Friday, August 13, 2010

Sadness, major sadness.

Ugh, I don't know if I even want to write this. 

I don't really want to go into detail, but there is frequently drama around my office, most usually caused by the person known as Bla.  If she's not angry with me, she's angry with someone else (in which case she's nice to everyone else).  Well, I'm getting along with her fine, but someone else isn't.  This someone else is someone I generally get along with, but sometimes once a year or so, it seems like we'll be on each other's nerves for a few weeks.  But it goes away, and it's fine right now, and has been for weeks.  Through all the drama, the office manager seems to smooth things over, and generally seems sympathetic to me (though I would guess she does this to everyone -- like when I complain that Bla didn't file something that needed to be filed, she agrees that Bla was wrong, but I'm sure Bla tells her I should have done it or told her directly to do it, and I'm sure she tells Bla that I was wrong).  Ofc manager was involved with drama with our old receptionist, they hated each other, but the receptionist is gone now.  And ofc manager also seems to really dislike Bla, but most people here do. 

I came to work this morning and it felt like everything was fine with everyone and me.  And today was my birthday lunch (not my birthday, just the month's celebration for two of us in August).  Lovely day.  And donut day (which happens every 5-6 weeks here).  And then I found out that ofc manager said something to someone about me that was not very nice at all.  I was completely shocked.  I'm not sure why I thought she was above that kind of thing, but for some reason I did.  If anyone else in the ofc had said this, I don't think I would have been upset -- it's just par for the course of being in a small office, and it seems like each of them has been pissed at me once (or more in a couple cases) in the last few years.  Everyone except ofc manager.  But it turns out that ofc manager is one of those nice-to-your-face but talks-behind-your-back types.  I guess I expected more.  I was in tears when I called my husband this morning and told him.  The problem is, she doesn't know I know and I can't let her know without compromising my source, which I just wouldn't do.  So I feel like I need to get over it on my own.  I was almost unconsolable this morning, but birthday cake fixed it. 

I had mentioned a month or so ago to our receptionist that her return address stamp was so pretty.  She said it was a gift from ofc mgr, who walked in during that conversation and told me about it.  Ofc mgr emailed me and the other Aug bday and said she wanted to get us stamps like that, we just needed to pick our favorite designs and decide how we wanted them to read.  That seemed awkward to me, I don't want ofc mgr to feel like she has to get me anything, and it seems so odd and uncomfortable to tell her what I'd like my stamp to say -- I think I'm just awkward around receiving gifts in general.  She doesn't have to get me anything, and I didn't mean I wanted one when I told receptionist I'd liked hers.  Well, ofc mgr sent us another email this week saying she still didn't know how I want my stamp to read and she'd like to order it.  I don't know how to reply, yesterday my thought was to write something like "That is so sweet of you to offer, and I appreciate the sentiment, but you really don't need to get me anything.  But thank you!"  Today, I'm thinking of writing "That is so sweet of you to offer, you really don't need to get me anything.  What I'd really like this year is to be left out of all office gossip, so all I'd ask is that you just don't talk or write about me behind my back this year, and it will be one of my favorite birthday gifts."  I should probably sleep on it over the weekend. 

Camp was good this morning though, lots of arms, which I love.  I ran about 1.5 toward home and then ran into my neighbor who was walking south on the trail to meet me.  She u-turned and we walked home together.  She knows about some of the ofc drama from our past discussions, so she might be a better sounding board for me than my husband on this.  She's coming over for dinner tomorrow night (pasta to carb-load for Sunday's 16!), and she said maybe she'd come early to help me make the sauce while my husband is at work. 

Anyway, I've been really tired all week, so I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow and hopefully plugging away at my wknd to-do list.  Having our neighbor over tomorrow night, and taking dinner to a friend's house Sunday night since her mom is in town (and I like her mom a lot), and hopefully we'll get to play a game or something.  Not going to be a weekend with lots of outside commitments (only must do at a certain time things are volunteering 10-12 Saturday morning, dinner Sat night at home at 6:30ish, running 16 Sunday at 5:30, and then making and taking red lentil curry to my friend's), but I hope I'll get lots of the list projects done. 

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