Friday, May 29, 2015

The Rains

So it's been raining here like crazy.  Last night was nearly 5 inches of rain near my house.  Ugh.  That makes it the most May rain Dallas has ever had.  I'm so over it.

But it's kind of fitting -- my mood is blue, blue, blue.

I miss the baby.  I miss my brother.  I miss the rest of my family.  I hate Dallas.  I hate rain.  I hate no ocean/bay. 

And on top of that, work is bad now.  First off, busy.  Way too many unread emails that need attention.  Second, complicated.  Things that I start doing and think will be simple and straightforward are turning into huge messes that take hours or days longer than they should.  Third, some unjustified frustration.  Someone who started after me and works in an entirely different group where there has been some high-level staff turnover got promoted.  So she now has a higher title than I do.  I have no right to be irritated about that, it has absolutely no bearing on my job, but you know, I am.  I wouldn't want to change groups, and I know if there were an opening in my group, I would have a very strong chance of getting the same kind of promotion, but circumstances are what they are.  I have a boss I really like and it's hard to see a promotion I'd want or be suited for other than his exact job. 

It feels like it's raining $hit in my world right now. 

It's weird to realize it's 100% in my head.  This is all stuff that did not bother me in slightest 10 days ago.  I was loving every bit of life.  And suddenly, we take our second fun trip of the month and I come back in a funk. 

My husband does not want to move and he has a point that even if we moved to San Fran, there's no guarantee my brother will be there for more than a few more years -- it's expensive, his wife might not go back to work, and he thinks they might not be there for the long haul.  Would I even want to be there if he wasn't?  It's further from Europe, it's rainy, it's hilly, I don't have any of my running buddies or godchildren or friends there, it's probably further from my parents and a lot further from my in-laws.  But it's such a cool city....  And Sonoma, Napa, etc. are more affordable AND sunnier (than San Fran, not when compared to Dallas, except for this past month). 

But we've built a life here.  Usually I think Dallas is totally awesome.  Usually I don't give a crap what my title is at work, as long as I like the actual job and people and can live the life I want.  Usually I think we're living exactly the life I want. 

I want to snap out of this!


  1. It must have been difficult leaving your nephew. Rain depresses the hell out of me so I can only imagine how that has just darkened your mood. I totally understand how you're feeling. I think getting uncomfortable in our own lives is a good thing once in a while because it prompts changes even small changes that make life a little better. I hope life brightens soon. In the meantime pester your brother for lots of photos of your adorable nephew. Once you figure out how to snap out of the funk let me know. I was riding the marathon high until my overwhelming job dropped a pile of crap on my plate. All week I have been trying to convince my husband to let me retire at the ripe old age of 41!!

  2. I hear you. I'm JUST emerging from a slump myself. I've been out of work for nine months, including through the southern Summer. What makes it hard here too is the weather: weeks of high pressure systems that sit over the inland areas like a vast atmosphere-sized hair dryer and leave you feeling like you're trapped in a vast dustbowl for eternity. What's helping me now is finding a job and feeling like my life will get some direction back again. I really hope that a shot of luck like that finds its way to you soon too.

  3. i know how you feel. usually i'm completely fine with living in texas, but after my trip to oregon this month, texas has lost ALL of its sparkle that it held for me. i don't want to be here at all. guess we're both kind of stuck in situations we're not as happy with as we thought we were

  4. It's funny, I just went through something similar when we got back from Boston. I don't want to move to Boston at all (I could not live with all those Patriots fans--it annoyed me just for the weekend), but my friends who lived there moved from San Fran and were saying how much they miss it and how they'll likely move back to the west coast in a few years. I feel in so many ways that my heart belongs in San Fran. The weather is perfect for me (never too cold or hot) and it's just one of my favorite places ever. It's pretty depressing to think that we just cannot afford to live there. I love Pgh and am happy here, but the weather seems to get worse and worse and it doesn't seem feasible for us to retire here. Someday, maybe, we will move, but unfortunately it will not be to San Fran.