Monday, June 3, 2019

No, no, no

I am kind of over this grief thing.  It's been 14 months, I've proved that I can survive and get through life without my step-dad.  My whole family has proven it.  The world is still spinning.  We've cried, we've laughed, and we've cried a lot more.  But we've gotten up each morning, worked out, worked, and gone to bed.  We are managing. 

Since we've proven that we can do it, can we please just go back to normal?

I hate that this is the new reality.  I just want it to be back to the old way.  When I didn't have to worry about my mom.  When I could just call him and ask a question.  When I'd be home and they'd be cooking in the kitchen together.  When we could sit for hours talking about the world over bottles of wine after dinner.  When I'd get a random email from him.  When he was my after-church buddy while we're waiting for my mom to talk to every damn person there and we just want to leave and get donuts.  When I didn't have this weird hole.  When I didn't identify myself as some partial-orphan. 

I'm over it.  Rewind.