Broken Heart

I can't write this on facebook, but part of me, sadly, feels like my heart is breaking today.  Don't get me wrong, I'm married (almost 19 months now!) and it's good.  I feel insanely lucky most of the time (though it's not always easy sharing your life and your priorities).  My husband is wonderful, sweeter than I deserve.  And I'm so happy.  And I don't have any reason to think we won't be together as long as we live (or that that won't be for a very long time). 

But on some level, part of me always took comfort in knowing that if things didn't work out, there was always William.  When hubby and I got engaged, I knew it meant my chances of becoming the princess went down.  And when we got married, I realized on some level it wasn't going to happen.  But I liked thinking the option was there for me.  My safety.  Hubby is my first choice, but it was nice to know that Wills was out there as a back-up. 

There has been so much speculation in the media over the last 5 or so years as to when and whether William and Kate would get engaged.  And I knew they wouldn't.  He was waiting for me.  Trying to arrange for the perfect circumstances to meet me, when I was emotionally available.  But then I met my husband and he had to wait to see how dating him would go.  Then Wills was waiting to see if I'd get married to him.  Then waiting to see if it would stick. 

When I came home from my run today and turned on the TV to watch the Today Show over breakfast, I felt shocked to my core to hear they were engaged.  And worse yet, that they've apparently been engaged for a month already. 

It's so selfish to think that Wills should just wait for me, particularly since I love my husband so much and don't see this ever ending.  But at the same time, it was somewhat comforting to think he was just pining away for me.

But now, it's official.  I'll never be the princess. 

Wait, it's not official until they get married.  So there's still a chance.  But it's looking less and less likely.  Sigh. 

Really, I should be happy for him.  It's hard.  Oh, this is going to be a long day.