Monday, May 14, 2012

FMM: All The Single Ladies

Woot -- awesome though quiet weekend. Big accomplishment was a half-marathon yesterday and another AG award! It's funny to compare how steady my pace was, and how good I felt compared to the week before -- and this race was longer, and on average 15 secs/mile faster! Just one more example in my personal log of live and learn about reminding myself not to go out too fast!

Anyway, I shall put a picture of my trophy below! Very cheesy and unfortunately not made of pure gold...

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: All The Single Ladies (and Gents)

1. What is your current relationship status? Are you happy with that status? I’m married and thrilled about it. Three years and one month, dating about 4 years before we got married. I'm mostly thrilled that I dated long enough to find the right guy rather than settling just because a lot of my other friends were coupled up.

2. Do you find it enjoyable to take care of someone in addition to yourself, or do you prefer to be responsible only for yourself? Tough question! I guess I find it enjoyable that we take care of each other, but I'm pretty independent and couldn't stand someone expecting me to take care of him.

3. What’s the most important physical characteristic in your mate/potential mate? Smile (followed by eyes, followed by arms).

4. What’s the most important (non-physical) characteristic in your mate/potential mate? Tough to pick just one, but I guess that's the question! Caring -- about me and others.

5. Is it important to you that your significant other have the same hobbies and interests as you? Yes, very. After lots of dating, and now a few years of marriage, I think it's very important to like to do some of the same things when you're not working. I listed some deal-breakers below (like golfing and watching sports) because friends who don't like to do that but have husbands who do get stuck solo a lot on the weekends. I like doing stuff together. The main interests for me are Italy and traveling in general, plus fitness. I don't think a couple has to have all the same hobbies and interests, but it's good to have several in common, particularly ones to which you allocate valuable free time. But I don't think this matters too much when you're dating. If it's the right person, as long as you can grow to share hobbies and interests, I think that will work. Hubby was less interested in WWII history, running and non-Italy traveling before me, and I was less interested in speaking Italian and in lifting before him, but we've gotten interested in each other's interests. While there's no hoping he'll grow to like doing puzzles with me, as long as the bulk of our interests overlap, I think it's good.

6. If you could go out on a date with a celebrity who would it be? Hmm, technically hubby and I have discussed celebrity passes, but the guy I picked is not someone that anyone who reads this blog would consider a celebrity (an Italian politician that I developed a major crush on in 96 during the elections, a head of one of the parties, and still occasionally makes the news).

7. What’s your idea of a good first date? Something where you get to talk a lot and also something memorable. So maybe going for a walk or run around a lake and then out for coffee, going sailing, etc. Outside also seems fun.

8. Are there any traits/habits that you’d consider a deal breaker? I didn't think I could ever be with someone who killed animals. Which is funny, because some of my brothers like hunting, but it is so morally wrong to me, I couldn't marry someone who did that. I think someone who didn't share the same basic faith as me would be a deal-breaker. I couldn't be with someone who didn't love (or at least like and get along with) my family. I don't mind politically diverse ideas, but it would be a deal-breaker if someone were the polar opposite of me. Smoking, golfing, lots of gambling, going to strip clubs, and general "sitting on a couch watching sports" were also deal-breakers (though I didn't know when we started dating that my husband smoked about 3 cigs/month; thankfully he quit very quickly!).

9. Okay ladies…Facial Hair: Yes, or No? No. Hubby gets a big-time shadow in the evening, and sometimes he'll get scruffy on vacation when he goes a few days without shaving, and that's all good, but if I had to pick, I love his sweet clean-shaven baby face.

10. Would you marry someone who is opposed to diamond engagement rings? YES!! Shoot, if I'd gotten a diamond, I would have been really upset. I had done a lot of research about conflict diamonds in college (written a series of papers in fact over the course of a semester), and diamonds just strike me as so common, so I was dead set against having one. When we were close to getting engaged, we never talked about rings and I realized if he proposed, there was a good chance it would be with a diamond, and I tried to brace myself for that. But fortunately, he'd remembered a passing comment I'd made years earlier about never wanting a diamond. The funny thing is, he thought that was a good deal for him (I wanted a sapphire). Little did he know, sapphires are more rare and expensive than diamonds. Oops! So I was happy to get my ring, but in reality, if he hadn't proposed with a ring, I think I would have been fine with it.  All that mattered was that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

11. What do you wish you could do differently in your next relationship? I don't want to have a "next" relationship, but there are things I always want to do differently going forward. I work to be more patient, to pay more attention, and to avoid keeping score in my mind. Interestingly, I'm not sure if I would have said anything other than "be more patient" if I'd gotten this question before I read The Happiness Project a couple months ago -- it made me think about how to make a happy marriage even happier!

12. Is there anyone from your past that you’d like to date again now? Um, since I'm married, no. Trying to think objectively, I can think of about three guys that I dated in my past that have turned out to be good husbands (to lovely women) and I probably would have gotten along fine with -- but not as good a match as I have found. And I can think of one more who hasn't turned out to be a good husband, but dating him longer than we did would have been fun; it ended earlier than I wanted. Hubby and I broke up once (for less than 24 hours) while we were dating, and I was devastated and convinced he'd been the only one for me (and my friends who were there those 24 hours can verify that, and verify that in past break-ups, while I may have been devastated, I never thought the guy had been my true one-and-only until hubby).

13. Describe your worst first date story ever. I don't really have one that I can think of off the top of my head. I almost had a car accident once -- someone not paying attention while I was paying attention to a guy running. I started talking to the guy running, he thought I wanted to talk about how oblivious the other driver was, who had almost hit us, but I actually wanted to talk to him about whether he'd gone to U.Va. (he was wearing a U.Va. shirt), and he said he had. We chatted for a while, realized we lived on the same block, and exchanged numbers, and he emailed me that day and asked me to dinner. We went, and I think it was a mutual bust, just a wave goodnight and no further contact (likely to both our relief). But it was still okay -- polite, friendly, just no connection.

14. Describe the perfect date with your significant other. Perfect date with hubby would be an entire day together -- with a run together in the morning, a fun and special breakfast. Time to relax and maybe nap, then a picnic and outdoor casual concert probably. Heck, followed by fireworks and no traffic. Since it's perfect, why not? But I can really think of about a million. I'm happy when we get all dressed up for something formal, but I also love going out to dinner, but I also love cuddling and staying in; doesn't matter too much if you're with the right person.

15. Would you date someone shorter than you? I've never done it. One serious boyfriend in law school was almost exactly my height (he was 5'7"), and that was weird. The next serious guy after him was WAY tall (like played college basketball tall), and that was a little weird (I'm only about 5'5"). And then the next serious guy was hubby, who's just the right height. I can wear heels and he's still taller, but if I'm not wearing heels, we fit together just right I think. If I were taller, maybe I would have dated someone shorter (or maybe it would be really important to me that they be taller), but at my height, there are just not a lot of guys shorter than me.

16. Share one (or a few) bonus traits that would be fun to find in an significant other (even if they aren’t as important as other traits). When I was dating the wrong guy and frustrated (this was the tall one), one of my best friends helped me make a list of what I wanted, and there were several categories that were "bonus points." Vegetarian was a bonus point (but a "must" was someone who was willing to eat vegetarian meals w/o complaint) (this was based on her husband who insisted on meat every night and pretty much demanded she cook him a separate meal) (yeah, they're divorced). Another bonus point was related to the "must" of being a person to deal with bugs -- bonus points if he chose the "catch and release" method -- but as long as I never have to smoosh or dispose of one, I'm happy.  Hubby never complains about meatless meals (he'll sometimes make his own chicken or tuna to supplement, but eats vegetarian regularly), and he tries very hard to catch and release bugs, rather than killing (though I've never asked him to do that), but either way, when I start yelling about a bug, he's there to handle it. 

17. What’s one thing you’d like to do with a significant other that you’ve never done with another? Well, after three years of marriage and about 7 years of dating, there's tons of stuff we've done together that I haven't done with anyone else. Being in a wedding together was neat -- I'd of course been in weddings, but never had a significant other standing up at the same time and sneaking glances at each other during the vows. And of course running races and going to boot camp together is fun, and not something I'd done with someone else (I've only been doing races for about a decade, and boot camp is something we started doing together).  I've never been to Russia or Sweden or Malta or Bosnia or Calabria, Italy with someone I was dating. 

18. PDA: Yes, or No? Haha. I don't think we count as newlyweds, but I know most of our friends think we're very mushy in public -- we get teased a lot.  I think it's all very PG, but we're big on hugging, holding hands, little kisses, and just general frequent physical contact, arms around each other, whatever. 

19. Do you kiss on the first date? I did with hubby, and did with some guys before him, but not always.

20. Who, if anyone, makes your heart flutter? The husband.

Wow! That’s a lot of questions! Now it’s your turn to answer them! Don’t forget to go back and link up in the comments! Happy Monday Friends!


  1. "sapphires are more rare and expensive than diamonds"

    Note to self: Must remember that for the future!!! haha

    Good answers!

  2. Loved your answers! Glad I stopped by. :)

    I laughed a little when you mentioned a must was being willing to eat vegetarian food. I'm not vegetarian, but sometimes I just have no desire for meat, and me cooking a meatless meal never goes over well because BF has to have meat... ugh! Drives me crazy!

  3. Wow, I'm really behind on my blog reading - you have a ton of posts I haven't read yet. I promise to get to them later today.

    First off, congrats on feeling so great during the half - that has to be better than anything.

    I love all that you said about your hubby - you guys sound like you have an amazing relationship.

  4. I'm so impressed that your husband remembered your comment and bought you a sapphire instead. Sapphires are stunning.

    I'm jealous that your husband deals with bugs. Having met my husband in Africa I was on my own when it came to bugs and other creatures. For the life of him he just doesn't get my aversion to them. I did learn a few tricks to get rid of certain bugs without touching them!

    I really enjoyed reading your answers. Cute trophy!! Congratulations on the award.