Treading Lightly Around the Big D

So marathon training is officially underway.  And I thought my first day was mildly amusing.  I had not one, not two, but three awkward conversations.  Actually only two were with running, the other one was at dinner the same night.

First, I got to training early b/c the first day is always chaotic.  I happened to see a guy that I used to run with -- maybe a year or two ago.  We've always gotten along well and are facebook friends, so I feel like I was mildly in the loop on his life.  I'm trying to remember the last time I saw him.  I think we ran together a bit last fall, so it's been more than 6 months.  When I first met him in maybe 08 he'd just gotten married and I was in wedding planning mode so I remember asking him a lot of questions about his wedding. 

So I saw him this week before we started running and we chatted for a little while.  He looked great.  I could tell he looked more fit, toned up, maybe had lost a little weight, but he mostly looked just insanely smiley and happy.  We're chatting, I asked him what's going on, he said not much, just happy to be getting geared up for another season.  Just chatting.  Then he asked me if I wanted to walk to his car with him to put something away.  I said sure and aborted my other conversation and walked with him.  As soon as we were away from the group, I asked what was up, what was really going on.  He said nothing, life was good.  I was like, "no man, really, you seem so happy, what's going on?  baby?"  He laughed and said "baby?  no, divorce."  Yikes!  He was happy to chat about it, not at all a sensitive subject.  He said they'd been having some problems and then he found out she was having an affair and that made it quite easy to end things.  I guess it's not necessarily something you'd post on facebook, but wow, I felt completely out of the loop and so bad for raising what could have been such a sensitive subject.

Well, then I step in it again not 15 minutes later.  I started running with my group, some people I knew and one new guy.  After a few minutes, we're trying to get the basic story on the new guy.  How many marathons, where he's from, what he does for work, where he lives, married, kids, etc.  And as soon as I asked "married?  kids?", there was enough of a pause that I knew I wanted to retract the question.  He said he has two kids, both young, and that he and his wife were separated.  Yes, I'm just apparently trying to raise all the painful thoughts possible...  But maybe they'll work things out.  When he talked about how they met and stuff, it seemed like the affection was still there, but I know it takes more than that.  It just didn't sound like he was talking about an ex.

So then I go through my day as usual.  At night, we had a fundraising dinner to go to.  Hubby was going to meet me there.  As it was close to time to head over, I was surprised to realize he hadn't called me yet to say he was leaving work, so I called him.  Surprise.  Crisis and he was going to be at least a couple hours late.  So I figured I'd go to the dinner alone and there would probably be a few people I knew there. 

I got to the dinner late and everyone I knew who was going had already left except the guy who had organized it, and he was the center of attention so surrounded by people and not exactly someone I could sit with.  I ended up just picking a random table of people and asking if I could join them.  Turns out I picked the table of all lawyers, of course.  They were all nice guys but most of them were getting ready to leave.  After a while, the table pretty much cleared out except for me and one of the younger guys (he was 34; the others had been in their 50s or 60s, and there was one in his 20s).  I knew he was wearing a wedding ring, so I assumed he was married.  We were sitting there chatting, mostly about law schools, firms, the practice of law, etc. and then eventually the topic changed to kids (b/c we'd started talking about the fundraiser).  I asked if he had kids and he said something like no, I'm not quite ready to say it's the end of my life yet and devote myself to that completely.  I said something vague about how I agreed, when you have kids it seems like your life as you know it is basically over.  He said that it was odd I'd say that as a woman b/c usually they're the ones who want the kids.  I asked where his wife was on the subject.  He said she's a contract attorney and had originally not wanted kids, but had started to change her mind not that long ago.  They've been married just over 3 years and he said they started talking about having kids, then they went through some marital problems.  I don't know if it was the beer or if I seemed sympathetic or what, but suddenly, out came the details.  Keep in mind this is someone I've known less than 2 hours -- and Dallas is a big city, but attorney circles are actually much smaller than I think.  He said his wife had started hitting on her boss.  Apparently it never went beyond making out, but he didn't sound like he was wholly convinced that was true.  She was ready to leave her husband and then apparently realized that she reallly didn't have anywhere to go, a job that's not steady and w/o benefits.  So they're still together.  He's not sure if she's there b/c she loves him and wants to work it out, or b/c he's the only economically viable alternative.  Yikes!  I asked if they'd gone to counseling, so I heard about that (sounds like it was not a good counselor).  Wonder how it will all unfold.  He gave me his card so it's conceivable I'll meet him again through work or at another fundraiser for this same cause, so maybe I'll find out.

But it just felt crazy that three times in one day I'd hear about very recently ended or likely ending marriages.  Sad, especially for the second conversation since they have two young kids.  But I do think it's better for kids to grow up with two happy divorced parents than two miserable parents who hate each other and just stay together for the kids.  Hope it will work out for the best for all of them.  And hope I don't put anyone else in the awkward position of having to answer a painful question anytime soon!