December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)This topic was very thought-provoking, and this post is much-delayed because I wanted to give it sufficient thought. I don't foresee any major changes in my life in 2011, and I'd be happy to end the year as happy as I am now -- though for certain life will be different with TWO of my little brothers getting married next year! Of course I also see myself in 2011 as someone who casually wears "Boston 2011" running apparel, but there has to be more than just that. When I picture myself at the end of 2015, it may be easiest to look at the ways I currently define myself, most of which are listed on my About Me page.
Runner. When 2015 is wrapping up, I hopefully will have run Boston and requalified several times. I'd like to have knocked several other marathons off my "must run" list. I'd like to have run at least one ultra and at least one trail race, maybe one and the same. My advice to Carina in 2011 would be to buckle down on eating clean, which will hopefully mean some weight loss and easier and faster running. Carina in 2015 is well-aware of what the 2011 training schedule looks like, and she would remind Carina 2011 to put her head down and work hard at it, as the work will really pay off. 2011 is going to be the first year where I have several training weeks over 50 miles per week. That seems like a lot to Carina 2010, who is used to spring mileage around 25 per week and marathon training mileage usually around 40 per week. Carina 2011 and Carina 2015 both run with the same group of people with whom Carina 2010 has already logged so many miles over the last few years. And in 2015, at least the 2015 of my dreams, Carina's other favorite running buddies, Jeremy and Tom, who have moved away to California (one to the north, one to the south), have both moved back to Dallas and they run with Carina several days a week. Not sure how to manifest having that happen. Guess Carina 2015 would remind Carina 2011 to keep up her email correspondence with those guys and see them whenever possible.
Wife. In 2015, I see us as a settled and secure married couple, who know each other well and think of each other first. That's a tough transition to make after being single for 30-ish years! As I've posted before, more experienced friends have shown me that marriage will never be easy and that it's not realistic (nor desirable) to expect that we'll ever be the same person with the same interests, the same priorities, the same thoughts. But the advice of Carina 2015 to Carina 2011 is to always think before she opens her mouth, to make more of an effort to let the little things go and to have the word "squadra" (Italian theme for our goal marriage) at the forefront of my actions.
Vegetarian. In 2015, I'm still a vegetarian and have even gone vegan on many days. My compassion toward all living creatures is also reflected in my choices of products like shoes and cars. Carina in 2015 is an adventurous cook, always trying new recipes and relying more frequently on homemade leftovers for lunch instead of frozen meals or restaurants. Carina 2015 would tell Carina 2011 to use those new cookbooks she got for Christmas 2010 (you can tell I'm behind on these posts, since I already know I got Everyday Italian and 1,000 Low-Fat Vegetarian Recipes for Christmas! either that, or this really is Carina 2015 writing this!).
Dallas-dweller. This right now seems to be the biggest question mark for how I really see myself in 2015. Where exactly do we live? In all likelihood, right where we do now. But having been home for the holidays (and knowing there's an Italy trip on the near horizon), I am less certain I'll still be in Dallas. I'd like to move back home, or near hubby's parents, or near hubby's "parenti" in Italy (forgive me for trying to start my transition to Italian here, parenti means relatives, it's a false friend in that the word looks like it would mean parents, but that word is actually genitori). But that whole earning-a-living thing gets in the way. Hubby doesn't want to move away for at least 6 or more years, preferably more like 10. And I'm not thrilled by the idea of taking another bar or even going through a reciprocity application process. So in all likelihood, Carina 2015 still lives in Dallas, and if she's moved home or near hubby's parents, that is likely for a very unfortunate reason like a very ill turn in someone's health. So Carina 2015 says to Carina 2011 that she should put aside more of a house reserve fund for any major repairs that may be needed, and that she should hammer down on that mortgage!
Attorney. Carina 2015 is still a practicing attorney and she loves her job. She still doesn't like talking about work on her blog, but she would tell Carina 2011 to do whatever is necessary to make that happen, whether it means developing stronger support and opportunities in her current position, or finding another position. Carina 2011 is more likely to work on the former but still isn't sure how. Carina 2015 is a zealous advocate for a pro bono cause dear to her heart, and does what she can to help children who encounter worse circumstances in their living arrangement than most people can imagine or would ever want to consider.
Traveler. Carina 2015 still goes overseas every year, and roughly every other one of those trips includes Italy. She is more comfortable speaking Italian than Carina 2010, and she converses freely with hubby's "parenti" who are older and speak solely in dialect -- they understand Carina 2015 perfectly, and are impressed that Carina 2015 can even add a few words of dialect! They never ever joke about mistakes Carina 2015 makes because her Italian is so clear. Carina 2015 would highly endorse Carina 2011's plan of speaking Italian at home and is very glad she is going back to an Italian conversation group, but would urge her to do some actual studying outside of class, both to become more comfortable with various verb conjugations and tenses, and to build her vocabulary. Carina 2015 has also had the chance to visit a couple more places that Carina 2011 still really wants to see. She's been to Egypt, India and/or China. Carina 2015 would advise Carina 2011 to manage her work schedule and finances as needed to allow for an overseas trip each year, which strengthens her marriage, her perspective, and her sanity.
And for the bonus, ten years ago, I had just found out I passed the bar and was settling into my first few months of work. I'd tell myself to balance work and life better and to decide earlier that if my big firm job wasn't going to give me the balance I wanted, that I should prepare better (and earlier) to find something that would give me a better balance. I'd also tell myself that eating dinner in the office is going to have negative consequences for my waistline, so I need to order better and be serious about exercise.
But the bottom line about work, family, health, etc., is that I'm very happy where I am now and wouldn't change a thing if it would possibly make me less happy than I am now. It's all worked out quite well. There was an overnight word processor I knew far too well at the big firm where I worked (that's what happens when you're still cranking out edits at 3 a.m. at least once a week). Her theory was that things always happen for a reason. I'd complain about how late it was and how tired I was, and she'd say something like it was meant to be because maybe I'd stop for coffee on my way home and meet the man of my dreams, some doctor getting off night shift. Or maybe if I'd left work when all the 9-to-5ers did, I'd have been in a car accident. Or maybe I wouldn't have been able to advance as I did at my job.
Working like crazy for years meant I didn't get to meet my husband until I was ready for a good relationship. If I'd met him earlier a.) he would have been married to his ex, b.) I would have been dating someone at work who wasn't a good match, but was nice and convenient and comfortable (who would actually be perfect for someone else, I don't want to suggest he's not a great guy), and c.) I wouldn't have had the interest and commitment needed to make our relationship a priority. Plus, I managed to make one connection in particular that lead me to my current job.
As for ordering dinner at work for years, well, that gave me an incentive to start running, which has become a huge part of my life. And the extra pounds gave me both security that my husband didn't love me solely for my body, and the incentive to join boot camp, which is something I started and continue to enjoy with my husband. I think the dinners at work didn't do permanent damage to my waistline, though there were definitely some bad habits I acquired. Oh well. Like I said, it all worked out!
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