So it's been raining here like crazy. Last night was nearly 5 inches of rain near my house. Ugh. That makes it the most May rain Dallas has ever had. I'm so over it.
But it's kind of fitting -- my mood is blue, blue, blue.
I miss the baby. I miss my brother. I miss the rest of my family. I hate Dallas. I hate rain. I hate no ocean/bay.
And on top of that, work is bad now. First off, busy. Way too many unread emails that need attention. Second, complicated. Things that I start doing and think will be simple and straightforward are turning into huge messes that take hours or days longer than they should. Third, some unjustified frustration. Someone who started after me and works in an entirely different group where there has been some high-level staff turnover got promoted. So she now has a higher title than I do. I have no right to be irritated about that, it has absolutely no bearing on my job, but you know, I am. I wouldn't want to change groups, and I know if there were an opening in my group, I would have a very strong chance of getting the same kind of promotion, but circumstances are what they are. I have a boss I really like and it's hard to see a promotion I'd want or be suited for other than his exact job.
It feels like it's raining $hit in my world right now.
It's weird to realize it's 100% in my head. This is all stuff that did not bother me in slightest 10 days ago. I was loving every bit of life. And suddenly, we take our second fun trip of the month and I come back in a funk.
My husband does not want to move and he has a point that even if we moved to San Fran, there's no guarantee my brother will be there for more than a few more years -- it's expensive, his wife might not go back to work, and he thinks they might not be there for the long haul. Would I even want to be there if he wasn't? It's further from Europe, it's rainy, it's hilly, I don't have any of my running buddies or godchildren or friends there, it's probably further from my parents and a lot further from my in-laws. But it's such a cool city.... And Sonoma, Napa, etc. are more affordable AND sunnier (than San Fran, not when compared to Dallas, except for this past month).
But we've built a life here. Usually I think Dallas is totally awesome. Usually I don't give a crap what my title is at work, as long as I like the actual job and people and can live the life I want. Usually I think we're living exactly the life I want.
I want to snap out of this!