Blue laundry

I always hang dry running clothes.  I think I've worn blue everyday since last Friday, with the exception of my race uniform for a 15k (that I did as part of a 16 mile training run), and a few non-blue bottoms.

I want to just move into a little bubble where I don't hear any sad news or angry, hateful views.  I know that's not a solution, but ahhh, a girl can dream.  My heart goes out to Baton Rouge now, where there's already been so much struggle. 

Irrationally paranoid

So this is on the agenda for tomorrow.  Anticipating another night with little sleep and far too much worry:  

The rational part of me knows there's nothing to worry about.  But it's not the rational part of me that seems to be in control for the last week.

 

Words for the last week of my life:  anxious, tearful, insomniac, paranoid, grateful, fearful, shocked, prayerful, distressed, struggling, proud, nauseous, hungry, isolated, confused, nervous, worried, touched, defensive, lost, protective, Pokemon, restless, overly sensitive, disbelieving, irrational, awake, disappointed, hyper-vigilant, terrified, clingy, sad, obsessed, scared.      

The best word is probably a phrase:   Irrationally paranoid. 

I had lunch with another "wife" yesterday and she's feeling a lot of the same things. Especially the irrational paranoia.  And we concluded it will probably just take time.  Eventually, I'll (we'll) be able to say goodbye in the morning again and have it be like it was 8 days ago?  Just a regular "bye"?  Not an irrationally paranoid "bye"?  Eventually, surely...

Okay

For the approximately 5 people who read this blog who know where we live and what my husband does for work, we're okay. 


The officers involved were not in his department and he was not called in.  They rode double last night and stayed at the station except for calls.  He was told to rest because they're concerned there may be ongoing issues tonight or tomorrow.  Of course, resting wasn't much of an option -- there were non-stop sirens outside, and both our phones were blowing up. 


My heart is breaking for the families.  I don't say that to undermine in any way the heart break families feel when someone is killed by the police. But what happened last night here is pretty much my worst fear.  I trust my husband's judgment and experience so much, so even though I'm relieved he's off the streets in the current climate, when he has any kind of encounter, I'm not particularly nervous because I know he's one of the "cool heads" usually.  (Partly sensitive, partly smart, partly hates paperwork ;))  But for officers to be targeted at random from afar makes me not want to let him out of my sight.  He's my world. 

Typical July

Took this photo last night.  Looks like July will be cooler than usual because today, July 1, isn't supposed to be 100 or higher (blessedly they're saying only 97 today).


It's about to get ugly...  

I've already had two evening commutes with heat indexes (indeces?) over 100, but now it will be actual temp over 100 as well.   

Oh well, it's like this every year, and I always do some October marathon so I always get through it.  No reason to think this year will be any different.  

Although my current working theory is that my 1-3 days per week of running where I'm working (usually Philly but occasionally lovely places like Cleveland), is causing me to lose my heat acclimation.  This week Monday I had zero miles on the schedule but I woke up in Philly to this: 

And I was powerless not to run...