Friday, July 15, 2016

Irrationally paranoid

So this is on the agenda for tomorrow.  Anticipating another night with little sleep and far too much worry:  

The rational part of me knows there's nothing to worry about.  But it's not the rational part of me that seems to be in control for the last week.

Words for the last week of my life:  anxious, tearful, insomniac, paranoid, grateful, fearful, shocked, prayerful, distressed, struggling, proud, nauseous, hungry, isolated, confused, nervous, worried, touched, defensive, lost, protective, Pokemon, restless, overly sensitive, disbelieving, irrational, awake, disappointed, hyper-vigilant, terrified, clingy, sad, obsessed, scared.      

The best word is probably a phrase:   Irrationally paranoid. 

I had lunch with another "wife" yesterday and she's feeling a lot of the same things. Especially the irrational paranoia.  And we concluded it will probably just take time.  Eventually, I'll (we'll) be able to say goodbye in the morning again and have it be like it was 8 days ago?  Just a regular "bye"?  Not an irrationally paranoid "bye"?  Eventually, surely...


  1. I just can't even imagine. All the internet hugs to you.

  2. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I hate that anyone in the world feels "Irrationally paranoid" ... especially when it isn't totally irrational. There are too many people who cannot simply take for granted the incredibly high probability of each new day coming and going without something terrible happening.


  3. Not irrational at all. I think it's important to talk to others who can understand how you are feeling. It's not a kind safe world. I can't even imagine how you have been feeling.