Achieving in 2011

I'm participating in Reverb 10 for the month of December. Each day has a new prompt to encourage participants to reflect on 2010 and manifest what’s next in 2011.  This entry is out of order because I haven't had time to go through and find an appropriate photo yet, so I'm hung up on that one and have a couple others in the works as well! 

December 28 – Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today. (Author: Tara [...]

This is a tough choice for me.  I have two very clear but competing running-related goals and it's hard to say which I want more.  And the one I think I want more is actually the WRONG answer.  I've been working on thinking of non-running-related goals/resolutions for 2011, but I haven't given it sufficient thought yet and sadly will likely wait until Jan. 1 or 2 to make my 2011 resolutions officially. 

Anyway, a friend on facebook had asked the general question:  what one fitness-related goal do you most want to do next year.  I told her it was tough to pick one. 

The two big goals I have for next year are to get a marathon PR and to get a 5k PR. 

But the whole point of my friend's question was to pick ONE, which is similar to what this reverb prompt wants.  Which do I want more?  Honestly, as much as I hate to say it, I think I really want the 5k PR.  And I will feel tired and sore from the major effort it will take (and probably thirsty, and maybe hungry and/or like I have to puke) but I will also feel proud of myself, happy, successful, triumphant, blissful, and free (from pressure to improve, even if only temporarily) if/when I do it. 

Why do I want the 5k PR more than the marathon PR?  Sadly, but truthfully, to beat Adam.  We've tossed our 5k title back and forth several times and he has now held it for almost a year and a half.  When I had my amazing 5k in September, it was marred only by the realization when I got home that I was 1 second behind his PR.  If only I'd gone 1 second faster, I could have tied him!  Or a mere two seconds to beat him!  I seriously could have done that, why hadn't I pushed just a tiny bit harder??!!  When Adam gave a toast at my rehearsal dinner, the 5k title was mentioned, and he admitted that it was in my hands at the time but he was ready to reclaim it, which he did just a few months after I got married.  It's high time I took that title back. 

But it's more than just beating him.  I'm sure as soon as I beat him and get the title, he'll race another 5k seriously and the title will be his.  I think he'll likely always be faster than me -- he's a guy, he's younger, and he's completely a natural athlete.  He played sports professionally and is just a machine when he puts in the time and effort.  Plus that pro sports thing probably gives him a mental edge in terms of competition, drive, threshold for pain, etc. 

But if I can get a PR, I'll be so proud of myself -- it will predict an even faster marathon time for me, which will give me the confidence to push harder in a marathon and in training, and really make me believe that it can happen. 

And beyond that even, the 5k is my main goal because I loooove running 5ks.  It's like, it's just over so fast!  I mean, you start running, you keep running, and then you're done, and it hasn't even been that long since you started.  Even a fast marathon for the world's elites takes HOURS, plural!  And I'm not even close to that fast!  5ks are plentiful, filled with interesting people, and can be fun to be competitive.  I'm just not fast enough to be really competing with anyone other than my own goals in a marathon. 

A final reason I want the 5k goal the most is that in this past year I met my long-standing marathon goal -- qualifying for Boston.  For many years that goal seemed out of reach, and now that it's finally a reality, I'll admit I'm not sure where to go next with distance running.  I've discussed that on this blog before, and I've concluded that I'm going to run Boston as hard as I can and then re-evaluate, but I may transition to doing races for scenery and experience rather than time, or move to running ultras and/or running on trails, or just stick to shorter races after I finish the last few marathons that I really want to do. 

But having my 5k PR being the main thing I want to achieve in 2011 doesn't fit into my training plan well.

I am going to have a new running coach starting on Sunday, Jan. 2 for Boston.  And I had to work hard to be qualified to become this guy's coachee (? at a loss for a better word?).  And I am confident from what I've heard from others that this running season with him as my coach is going to be the best and most challenging of my life.  It's a privilege to be coached by him and he gets tons of people to massively fast PRs in Boston and other spring marathons.

But the coaching program is very strict.  Among the rules, no races unless they're on the schedule or otherwise authorized by the coach. 

We had a goals sheet we had to fill out in advance of Sunday's first training session.  One of the questions was what our expectations/objectives are for the class.  I answered honestly and listed the two goals.  A 5k PR at the big St. Patrick's Day race here, and a marathon PR in Boston.  He replied and told me basically to drop the 5k goal.  He told me what I know, that you can't work simultaneously on speed and distance without a very high likelihood of injury. 

He noted that the 5k PR still might happen as my mileage gets high for the marathon training.  And it is relevant to note here that I seriously only need to improve my 5k time by at least 1 second to tie Adam (2 seconds to beat him), but ideally 7-8 (if not more).

I replied to my new coach and asked permission to race St. Pat's, telling him I've had a lot of success getting 5k PRs just a few weeks before a marathon (because, yes, the higher mileage of marathon training does work well for me at short distances).  And I also told him how St. Pat's is my favorite race in Dallas and how I've done it for several years in a row and don't want to break my streak.

Denied.

He said I can run it as we have 7 miles on our schedule that day, but he did not want me to race it as we have a very tough long run scheduled for the following day. 

What to do?  I'll likely have to make a game-day decision.  I'm definitely going to do the race, and it might be nice to run it easy with no pressure and drink the beer and enjoy the party.  But wow, I love that race and I have PRed there on several occasions (though last year was a bust).  It will be so hard NOT to race it.  And really, by mid-March, if I don't follow my coach's instructions for one Saturday, what is going to happen?  Especially in light of what I've admitted above, that I want the 5k PR in 2011 more than I want the marathon PR. 

When I got my current 5k PR in September, I failed to stretch well afterward and I was hurting.  I felt all the effort I'd put into that race, and part of me worried I'd sabotaged my months of marathon training.  I was a little worried that I wouldn't be recovered in time for the marathon a mere 2 weeks later.  But when I honestly looked at that possibility, I realized it was okay with me.  Though the Boston goal was huge for me, I was so thrilled with the 5k PR that I felt like I'd already reaped the reward of my months of marathon training.  Although the 5k PR wasn't my goal during training, it was just as important to me and I was so proud of it.  I'd put in months of training for the sole purpose of getting a 5k PR and it hadn't happened.  I'd failed.  And then to put in months of marathon training and get the 5k PR, it made the training worth it. 

So if I race St. Pat's and manage to beat Adam by a second or more, I think in my heart, I'll consider it to have been worth these next few months of training, which I know are going to be intense.  Looking at my training schedule, I'm going to be over 50 miles per week on multiple occasions.  I don't think I've ever gone over 50 miles in a week before, certainly not in the last two years!  Shoot, going over 40 in a week for the first time this year warranted a post!  But whether all this training, all this early morning running, all this getting out of bed in the cold, all this going to bed early pays off with a 5k PR instead of my coach-approved marathon PR goal, it's likely going to be all the same to me.

You just might have to remind me of this if I manage to get the 5k PR and then as a result end up having a sucky training recovery week or even a sucky marathon performance in Boston! 

Oh, and as for the 10 things to do to achieve the 5k-PR feeling today, I guess I might get that feeling if I set a PR at some other distance, but that's unlikely because I'm not in shape or trained enough to get a PR that will make me as happy as a 5k one will be (and since my 5k PR predicts the best marathon time for me of all my races, it is a challenging goal, any PR I could get right now wouldn't predict me as fast as a 5k one would).  So the 10 things to do to achieve that 5k-PR feeling sometime in 2011 all relate to laying the groundwork:

1. Register to work with the best coach in the area (done)
2. Commit to heart-rate based training (ordered garmin!)
3. Maintain a training log (always!)
4. Race short distances successfully (ongoing)
5. Get to bed early to be ready to run on running days (I'm pretty good about this)
6.  Get out of bed and show up at all my training runs -- on both group days (no problem-o) and on solo days (which is going to be a real challenge for me since my running success and consistency largely stems from having so much fun running with my buddies)
7.  Clean up my eating to eat like an athlete (which will hopefully mean dropping some L-Bs!) (tough!!)
8.  Push myself when appropriate on my training runs (tough!)
9.  Envision success (I'm getting better)
10.  Register for the races (done for Boston, will do in Feb. for St. Pat's)

Really, doing all those things should make me feel proud and happy now that I'm doing what it takes to get me to what I want to achieve in 2011.  But nothing I can do now is going to feel as awesome (and maybe painful, but no pain, no gain) as crossing that finish line and seeing my new PR time. 

And then calling Adam to tell him (if he doesn't witness it).  Haha!

New Name

I'm participating in Reverb 10 for the month of December. Each day has a new prompt to encourage participants to reflect on 2010 and manifest what’s next in 2011.

December 23 – New Name. Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott)

Haha, my blog name was inspired by Bella, whose blog I read very frequently.  I don't think of myself as beautiful (bella in Italian), but maybe I could pull off cute (carina in Italian).  Overall, I'm fine with my name, though my middle name comes from my ex-aunt (uncle's ex-wife, bitter divorce), so that kind of sucks. 

Oh, and I should add that I am very opinionated and strongly oppose sexist name changes.  Though I love the idea of sharing a last name with my husband, this would only be okay with me if roughly equal numbers of men and women changed their last name upon marriage; while it remains sexist and only women participate in this practice, I don't want to participate.  So I haven't changed my name, I like both my last name and my husband's last name and I think our last names could be fused into a beautiful new last name, but he's not on board with that.  But fortunately, he's Italian and in Italy women don't change their names upon marriage (don't think it's progressive though, it's out of respect for the woman's father).  Since we want to move to Italy some day, we don't want to have the same last name -- men and women there who have the same last name are siblings, and that's just creepy! 

But let's see, what else would be a good name?  Growing up, I always wanted to be named Amy or Jennifer like all my friends. 

By the time I got to high school, I think I'd settled on my true alter ego name:  Cassiopia Emerald, so I guess that's what I'd choose.  I could go by Cassie, which is quite carina.  Or I could be Emmie, which I'm not as enthused about now as I was in high school.  And I'd probably have sparkling green eyes to go with the name (since I don't, if that were my name, maybe I'd get colored contacts). 

So hello blog reader(s), my name for today would be Cassiopia Emerald.  Enchante (to throw in some French).  Or "piacere" (to get ready for my Italian 2011).  I'd choose the name because it sounds so interesting, exotic, alive and unique.  My name isn't super common, but it's certainly something you hear about a million times more than Cassiopia! 

I've never used a fake name that I can remember when meeting someone, though I suppose I may have done it when meeting some guy or something.  One time in law school, I went on a spring break road trip with two friends and we ended up at a party in Atlanta primarly attended by people who were attending a "lesser" law school.  One of my friends had clerked with someone at the school, which was our connection.  But we didn't know anyone else at the party, so we thought it would be fun to pretend to be something other than law students from our law school.  So one friend told people at the party she was a roadie for the Dave Matthews Band, another told people she was a tarot card reader, and I told people I worked in the exchange department at the National Zoo (so when you see a sign that an animal is on loan from another zoo, I'd have set that up and I was in Atlanta to see about bringing their giraffes up to DC for two years) (I had the whole story worked out).  It was fun but of course we couldn't keep it up for more than a couple hours.  I don't even know if zoos have exchange departments!

Travel, my favorite non-running topic!

I'm participating in Reverb 10 for the month of December. Each day has a new prompt to encourage participants to reflect on 2010 and manifest what’s next in 2011.

December 22 – Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

Fun question, perhaps better asked as how DIDN'T I travel in 2010!  Planes, trains and automobiles were all in play in 2010.  Trying to remember if there were any boats in there, but nothing springs to mind.  Though we did get to tour a boat, the Vasa, which sank in 1628 and is in a museum in Stockholm.

The highlight of my 2010 travel was our spring trip to Europe, visiting Sweden and Russia.  Our spring trip was long, a few weeks, and included time in Pittsburgh, DC, Charlottesville, Stockholm, St. Petersburg, Pushkin, and Moscow.  Absolutely amazing.  I actually posted about one of the highlights, seeing the Amber Room, already.  But there were also wonderful visits with family and friends during the rest of the year.  I've said it before, we work to travel, we live to travel, we shop to travel, etc.  We make lots of our financial and time-management decisions based on our shared love of travel.  We love to do that together and wish we could work even less and travel even more, but at a certain point, we both recognize diminishing returns.  Right now, about one month of vacation seems to be perfect for us.  One long trip over two weeks, a few long weekends, and a week or so home for Christmas. 

2011 travel will officially include two new cities for us as a couple, Boston and Paris, though I've been to both before (and don't remind my husband, but with different guys!).  Technically, I received a plane ticket for Christmas to Boston, so I can't say we'll definitely make it to Paris, but the return date from Boston is more than two weeks later so I should say that it's likely we'll add Paris to the trip -- as well as Italy!  My husband's family lives in Calabria and we love it there.  We got engaged there and then got married there a year and a half later.  We go visit about every 2 years on average.  Hopefully our 2011 trip will provide an opportunity to meet up with another Calabria-loving lawyer blogger, Michelle, and/or another years-of-Texas-living blogger, Cherrye, so that would mean travel to other parts of Calabria, likely that I have never seen before.  Despite my inability to understand what his relatives say (at least the older ones) because they consistently speak dialect, we always have such an amazing time and it goes too quickly.  We eat like crazy, his aunt shovels more food than can be conceivably consumed onto our plates, and there is no understanding in his house of the concept of being a vegetarian, but the food is so good, it's always worth the weight I gain. 

Beyond the big 2011 Spring trip we're planning, Boston, Pittsburgh, Calabria and Paris, we'll have at least a few other little trips during the year.  We're going to Detroit in July for my baby brother's wedding.  I think we'll go on Wednesday to spend a few extra days with our much-loved neighbors who live there part-time (and next to us the rest of the time).  And now we'll also have my middle little brother's wedding sometime next year, place and date to be determined.  Likely somewhere near Lake Michigan.  And there's another cousin's wedding in Madison in August, but I'm not sure we'll make it there.

And apart from all that travel, which is fairly certain, I'd love to take a weekend road trip somewhere together at least once.  Since neither of us is from Texas, there's lots to explore.  An amazing running friend who lives in San Antonio that we need to go visit.  East Texas, which just sounds like something different.

And it's possible, just possible, I'll get in a trip to Cali in about 11 months.  One of my all-time favorite running buddies who moved away almost a year ago now lives in Cali and he is attempting to convince me that we should jointly undertake to run a 50-miler there together.  I told him I'm deferring all decisions until after Boston!

Letter to 2015

I'm participating in Reverb 10 for the month of December. Each day has a new prompt to encourage participants to reflect on 2010 and manifest what’s next in 2011.

December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

This topic was very thought-provoking, and this post is much-delayed because I wanted to give it sufficient thought.  I don't foresee any major changes in my life in 2011, and I'd be happy to end the year as happy as I am now -- though for certain life will be different with TWO of my little brothers getting married next year!  Of course I also see myself in 2011 as someone who casually wears "Boston 2011" running apparel, but there has to be more than just that.  When I picture myself at the end of 2015, it may be easiest to look at the ways I currently define myself, most of which are listed on my About Me page. 

Runner.  When 2015 is wrapping up, I hopefully will have run Boston and requalified several times.  I'd like to have knocked several other marathons off my "must run" list.  I'd like to have run at least one ultra and at least one trail race, maybe one and the same.  My advice to Carina in 2011 would be to buckle down on eating clean, which will hopefully mean some weight loss and easier and faster running.  Carina in 2015 is well-aware of what the 2011 training schedule looks like, and she would remind Carina 2011 to put her head down and work hard at it, as the work will really pay off.  2011 is going to be the first year where I have several training weeks over 50 miles per week.  That seems like a lot to Carina 2010, who is used to spring mileage around 25 per week and marathon training mileage usually around 40 per week.  Carina 2011 and Carina 2015 both run with the same group of people with whom Carina 2010 has already logged so many miles over the last few years.  And in 2015, at least the 2015 of my dreams, Carina's other favorite running buddies, Jeremy and Tom, who have moved away to California (one to the north, one to the south), have both moved back to Dallas and they run with Carina several days a week.  Not sure how to manifest having that happen.  Guess Carina 2015 would remind Carina 2011 to keep up her email correspondence with those guys and see them whenever possible. 

Wife.  In 2015, I see us as a settled and secure married couple, who know each other well and think of each other first.  That's a tough transition to make after being single for 30-ish years!  As I've posted before, more experienced friends have shown me that marriage will never be easy and that it's not realistic (nor desirable) to expect that we'll ever be the same person with the same interests, the same priorities, the same thoughts.  But the advice of Carina 2015 to Carina 2011 is to always think before she opens her mouth, to make more of an effort to let the little things go and to have the word "squadra" (Italian theme for our goal marriage) at the forefront of my actions. 

Vegetarian.  In 2015, I'm still a vegetarian and have even gone vegan on many days.  My compassion toward all living creatures is also reflected in my choices of products like shoes and cars.  Carina in 2015 is an adventurous cook, always trying new recipes and relying more frequently on homemade leftovers for lunch instead of frozen meals or restaurants.  Carina 2015 would tell Carina 2011 to use those new cookbooks she got for Christmas 2010 (you can tell I'm behind on these posts, since I already know I got Everyday Italian and 1,000 Low-Fat Vegetarian Recipes for Christmas!  either that, or this really is Carina 2015 writing this!). 

Dallas-dweller.  This right now seems to be the biggest question mark for how I really see myself in 2015.  Where exactly do we live?  In all likelihood, right where we do now.  But having been home for the holidays (and knowing there's an Italy trip on the near horizon), I am less certain I'll still be in Dallas.  I'd like to move back home, or near hubby's parents, or near hubby's "parenti" in Italy (forgive me for trying to start my transition to Italian here, parenti means relatives, it's a false friend in that the word looks like it would mean parents, but that word is actually genitori).  But that whole earning-a-living thing gets in the way.  Hubby doesn't want to move away for at least 6 or more years, preferably more like 10.  And I'm not thrilled by the idea of taking another bar or even going through a reciprocity application process.  So in all likelihood, Carina 2015 still lives in Dallas, and if she's moved home or near hubby's parents, that is likely for a very unfortunate reason like a very ill turn in someone's health.  So Carina 2015 says to Carina 2011 that she should put aside more of a house reserve fund for any major repairs that may be needed, and that she should hammer down on that mortgage!

Attorney.  Carina 2015 is still a practicing attorney and she loves her job.  She still doesn't like talking about work on her blog, but she would tell Carina 2011 to do whatever is necessary to make that happen, whether it means developing stronger support and opportunities in her current position, or finding another position.  Carina 2011 is more likely to work on the former but still isn't sure how.  Carina 2015 is a zealous advocate for a pro bono cause dear to her heart, and does what she can to help children who encounter worse circumstances in their living arrangement than most people can imagine or would ever want to consider. 

Traveler.  Carina 2015 still goes overseas every year, and roughly every other one of those trips includes Italy.  She is more comfortable speaking Italian than Carina 2010, and she converses freely with hubby's "parenti" who are older and speak solely in dialect -- they understand Carina 2015 perfectly, and are impressed that Carina 2015 can even add a few words of dialect!  They never ever joke about mistakes Carina 2015 makes because her Italian is so clear.  Carina 2015 would highly endorse Carina 2011's plan of speaking Italian at home and is very glad she is going back to an Italian conversation group, but would urge her to do some actual studying outside of class, both to become more comfortable with various verb conjugations and tenses, and to build her vocabulary.  Carina 2015 has also had the chance to visit a couple more places that Carina 2011 still really wants to see.  She's been to Egypt, India and/or China.  Carina 2015 would advise Carina 2011 to manage her work schedule and finances as needed to allow for an overseas trip each year, which strengthens her marriage, her perspective, and her sanity. 

And for the bonus, ten years ago, I had just found out I passed the bar and was settling into my first few months of work.  I'd tell myself to balance work and life better and to decide earlier that if my big firm job wasn't going to give me the balance I wanted, that I should prepare better (and earlier) to find something that would give me a better balance.  I'd also tell myself that eating dinner in the office is going to have negative consequences for my waistline, so I need to order better and be serious about exercise. 

But the bottom line about work, family, health, etc., is that I'm very happy where I am now and wouldn't change a thing if it would possibly make me less happy than I am now.  It's all worked out quite well.  There was an overnight word processor I knew far too well at the big firm where I worked (that's what happens when you're still cranking out edits at 3 a.m. at least once a week).  Her theory was that things always happen for a reason.  I'd complain about how late it was and how tired I was, and she'd say something like it was meant to be because maybe I'd stop for coffee on my way home and meet the man of my dreams, some doctor getting off night shift.  Or maybe if I'd left work when all the 9-to-5ers did, I'd have been in a car accident.  Or maybe I wouldn't have been able to advance as I did at my job. 

Working like crazy for years meant I didn't get to meet my husband until I was ready for a good relationship.  If I'd met him earlier a.) he would have been married to his ex, b.) I would have been dating someone at work who wasn't a good match, but was nice and convenient and comfortable (who would actually be perfect for someone else, I don't want to suggest he's not a great guy), and c.) I wouldn't have had the interest and commitment needed to make our relationship a priority.  Plus, I managed to make one connection in particular that lead me to my current job. 

As for ordering dinner at work for years, well, that gave me an incentive to start running, which has become a huge part of my life.  And the extra pounds gave me both security that my husband didn't love me solely for my body, and the incentive to join boot camp, which is something I started and continue to enjoy with my husband.  I think the dinners at work didn't do permanent damage to my waistline, though there were definitely some bad habits I acquired.  Oh well.  Like I said, it all worked out!