FMM: Dating

I had a good but not overly exciting weekend.  Feels like all I really did was yoga, but there was other stuff -- worked a water stop for a half marathon, did some cooking, did my last long run.  Shall post later since all that will take some thought.  Instead today I thought it would be fun to have my topic chosen for me.  Cue FMM.

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: http://www.alltheweigh.com/ so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!
FMM: Dating

What is your current relationship status? (Be as specific as you’d like to be!) 
Married just over 2.5 years, living in sin for several years before that, total time together from first date is almost 6.5 years.  Broke up once while dating for just under 24 hours (but don't even ask how miserable I was during that time). 

List a few qualities that you look for in a significant other. 
When I felt like I was in a dead-end relationship, I actually made a checklist.  I was in my late 20s, I somehow felt like everyone else around me was in a happy relationship (totally untrue, but it was my perception).  The checklist ranged from serious things like an interest in travel, trustworthy, caring, active, and affectionate, to things that I called "bonus points" like being either a vegetarian or veg-friendly (but also being a bug killer (or better yet, a bug catch-and-releaser)), having a strong connection to his family, and sharing a similar political view.  Oddly enough, on my "must" list was the item "dances at weddings."  Sure, it was a flexible requirement (if I my husband hadn't been able-bodied when I met him, it wouldn't have been a deal-breaker), but it embodies something I love so much about my husband's personality -- he wants to get out there, to have fun, to enjoy life.  I love that we dance at weddings, though I wish I had even the slightest sense of rhythm or that my dancing skill level even kind of approached his (don't suggest dance lessons, I've tried, he did them with his ex, which is why he's such a great dancer, but he has no interest in doing them again). 

If you could choose to date one character in TV or film, who would you choose? And which characteristics are most appealing? 
That's really tough.  The husband in Life is Beautiful maybe.  I love how he treasured his wife and valued his family so much. 

How long should you date before becoming exclusive?
For us, I think we dated about 3.5 months before becoming exclusive.  It obviously depends on the couple, but for both of us, I think it was good that we both had dating histories.  I actually in some ways noticed early in our relationship that the fact that my husband had been married and divorced before probably benefitted our relationship.  The first tough time (conflict) we had, my inclination was much more to walk away and not deal with it -- because in a casual relationship, you can do that.  My husband had the sense to say, we're in this for the long haul, it's not just going to go away, how best can we work through this... Wow...

What are your thoughts on public displays of affection?
Haha.  This is where the few (2?) (Carrie?  Kathleen?) who know me in real life would laugh.  Actually, Carrie only knows me and not my husband.  I'd say we're fairly affectionate in public but never mushy.  I'm happy to just hold hands or do a quick peck and hug.  But I know for a fact that many of our friends do not see us that way and think we're completely mushy.  Oops.  Lots of people say things like, oh, you're still in the newlywed phase, or oh, you guys are just so cute and cuddly.  Can't help it.  We did one of those pre-marital classes and one of the things they talked about was identifying your "love language."  Mine was 100% gifts of service.  If he wants to show he loves me, he can clean the kitchen.  That stuff really gets straight to my heart.  For him, it's verbal and physical -- he loves being told he's loved, and loves physical touches, even just sitting with our legs touching, or putting my arm around him, or my hand on his arm, I notice that he notices and I want to make him know how loved he is. 

Do you kiss on the first date?
We did!  And I'm sure he did with other people before me, and I did too. 

Biggest turn-off?
I hate the cocky, argumentative, know-it-all personality, especially when it comes to abstract topics.  Makes me want to run in the other direction.

What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
I always hate this question.  Obviously, unless you're blind, I think the first thing you notice about the opposite sex is the fact that they ARE the opposite sex.  You get a sense of build, age and race.  Those are the first things I notice, and I don't know how someone can claim to notice a smile before noticing if the guy is 100 pounds or 500 pounds, or if the guy is 12 or 80.  When I was single, if he was age-appropriate and even somewhat attractive, I also used to notice pretty quickly if they were wearing a wedding ring! 

How long do you/did you wait before becoming intimate?
TMI for the blog... but I'm okay with saying that we didn't wait until we were married.  Definitely works for some people, but not so much so for us. 

Describe your dream date.
Tough call. I love picnics with outdoor movies, I love sometimes getting dressed up and going to nice restaurants. I love active dates like running, yoga, kayaking, etc. I love fireworks. I love going out in our neighborhood. It's really tough to think of a single dream date. Since we don't have kids, we don't have to worry about doing "date nights" or something else that people who don't have time to be together often do, so we get to do lots of different "dates" all the time. My favorite this year was probably the night in Paris where we found a restaurant in Montmartre and then after dinner listened to street performers and walked up to Sacre Couer and just sat together up there talking for forever it seemed.

And there you go, a fun blog topic that let me respond instead of starting from scratch. If you want to play, go to alltheweigh.com and link to your answers.