Being A Big Help

For whatever reason, growing up, it seemed to me to be the highest praise when someone told one of my parents (or when my parents told me) that I was a "big help."

I've gone through phases in my life when I've been a big help to others more frequently, and phases where that hasn't been common.


For a variety of her own reasons, my friend and boot camp buddy Megan committed to do a day of community service each month this year.  We were talking about New Year's resolutions, and she mentioned that one.  Even though it wasn't my own resolution, I asked her to count me in. 


Because of our work and travel schedules, there were a few times she volunteered and I haven't been able to join, so I tried to add a few of my own opportunities as well.


Here's a list of how I tried to be "a big help" in 2017, along with a few pictures, though I'll mostly save those for Megan in case she does her own post (since this was her idea and all!):


January:  Tried to assist with the illegal detention of immigrants at the airport.  This doesn't really count because, uh, surprise, I have no immigration law experience, and by the time I got there, they didn't really need warm attorney bodies as much as they did the day before.  I'm glad I tried to help and that I at least got to express my support for the cause. 


 

February:  Volunteering with Megan at a fundraiser breakfast and auction for Back On My Feet, a personal favorite worthy cause -- a structured running program targeted toward individuals living in local homeless shelters.  I ran with the group very briefly but stopped primarily due to schedule conflicts (but also mileage needs and not liking hugs), but love helping the group in non-running ways.  As such, I was so happy Megan found the opportunity for us to help their fundraiser be successful.  Megan thinks I used my line "first ballroom on the left" (complete with charades) about 300 times (directing individuals arriving at the hotel to registration for the event). 


March:  Setting up for a church service and serving lunch with Megan following the service at a new development in Dallas that has small cottages that are given to chronically homeless individuals.  I got to meet Megan's parents for the first time at this event.  My husband did not enjoy the church service (there was a testimonial that bothered him), but the people we met at the lunch were great, very interesting. 


April:  Painting a kitchen at the police department.  I have zero painting experience, but it was a fun day, though messy! 


April part 2:  Working a shift with Megan at a Habitat for Humanity "re-store."  I'd never been to one of these, it's basically a big warehouse/store with building supplies and furniture/decorations.  The organization had just moved into a new location, so we mostly spent the afternoon moving chairs and other items that were already there or were coming from donors, and sweeping.  But other tasks included pulling nails out of wooden beams, setting up a display area for patio sets, being a listening ear for a site manager who was clearly strung thin -- so stressed, so much on her plate in advance of the grand opening, needing to unload, and being "in charge" while the director went to eat -- that was when we realized that we may have been the only adults present who didn't have to be there -- lots of people doing court-ordered community service!  I only asked one person how he came to be working the same volunteer shift as us (a kid who was moving beams with us), and he said, "teen court."  Oops.  I didn't press for details, but he volunteered -- a traffic violation he said, and he was irritated that he was sentenced to more hours than someone with a drug possession charge.  Anyway, it was a fun day and entailed some physical labor and sweat, which I know was good for me.


May:  Playing with kids at a boys and girls club.  I'm a sucker for board games, so this didn't even really feel like volunteering. 
June:  Working a water stop with Megan for a Back on My Feet race.  On a "surprisingly cold for June" day.  In the rain.  In the pouring rain.  Hard to tell you how much more fun it is to run in the rain than it is to stand at a water stop in the rain.  It was pouring and we were at a water stop that only served the longer race distance, so we didn't get a ton of runners, and we all huddled in a car (including some in the trunk) after we had the water set up while waiting for the first runners.  Brrrr! 
July:  Helping to serve meals to officers working the local fireworks show.  Thankfully, I was not in charge of the grilling.  It didn't seem to be going well at times, but fortunately, there was a fire station directly across the street...



July part 2:  Sorted part of a mountain of donated clothes with Megan for Muslims For Humanity's Dallas part of Helping Hand.  The piles we sorted into were kids summer/winter, women's summer/winter, men's summer/winter, Arab, Pakistani, bags, shoes (and along the way, throwing out anything stained or torn that we wouldn't wear ourselves).  The basic distinction between Arab and Pakistani that we were told to use was to put any brightly colored items (saris, etc.) into the Pakistani boxes.  I liked doing this, but it felt frustrating because it seemed we barely made a dent in the mountain, despite hours of work. 

August:  Working with Megan at a United Way event donating backpacks filled with school supplies to kids in need.  We first worked a registration tent, then helped with backpack distribution, then we got to enjoy the festival and play games with the kids.  We spent most of our game time playing Jenga with various kids, so fun!

September:  Babysitting with Megan at a church one Friday night.  The program, Rays of Light, is set up for parents to bring their special needs children (and any and all siblings!) to get a night out.  There is a police officer present to oversee, and two nurses to help as needed, and about 20 (?) kids, and volunteers for each kid.  The boy we worked with in his early teens and was pretty much non-verbal.  His favorite thing to do was pick up big legos off the floor and throw them back into the box, which we'd then dump out again.  He could do it all night long -- and eat baked potatoes!  I'm happy we were able to give his mom a break, and I'm glad we were both assigned to the same kid, he kept us on our toes!  I absolutely loved doing this. 
September part 2:  Volunteered for a couple shifts in the police wives' association tent at an event. 
October:  Worked with Megan and my husband's cousin who was in town for a visit at our food pantry.  Megan and I were assigned condiments which meant sorting through a big pallet box of condiments to check expiration dates, load them into smaller boxes, and then label and close the smaller boxes.  That was especially fun for her with a broken finger (only one at the time, she now has TWO broken fingers!).  After we finished the pallet of condiments, we moved on to canned goods.  My husband's cousin was on peanut butter duty -- unscrewing jars to make sure seals under the lid were intact, checking expiration dates, and boxing.  It was a fun afternoon for all of us and something I really enjoyed doing.  Our team of about 20 did 8.5 pallets, a total of 11,200 pounds, filling 521 boxes and making for 9,334 meals. 

November:  Volunteered at another water stop for a race.  It was a warm day and after filling all the cups before runners came through, I decided my time would be best spent while runners were passing holding out my gloved hands full of ice for any runners who wanted to grab some.  Lots loved the ice cubes to put in their mouths, or just run over neck, arms, whatever for a second.  It was a warm day for a half marathon! 
December:  Worked at a children's Christmas Party with Megan.  This was probably the easiest one of all.  Basically, we just played Monopoly all night!  The game started with two girls who were in seventh grade.  After a while, they got distracted and others took their places.  It was fun to see them count out change, and the vast differences in mathematical abilities.  There was one girl who seemed fairly young and when she landed on a utility (Electric Company or Water Works), she could right away do the multiplication to figure out rent in her head.  But another girl who seemed older used her fingers to add up what she'd rolled on the dice.  And another girl who was super fast at math and subtraction in her head, even for pretty big amounts (buying property), still used her fingers to count the dots on the dice.  They were all fun and sweet kids, easily excited, very enthusiastic and friendly.  What a joy!  The organization was giving out lots of prizes and all the kids got gift bags. 


Looking forward to being a big help again in 2018.  It's so good when you have friends who talk you into being a better person! 

Transfer

So I was hoping to magically transfer my husband's cold to me so that he would be better for the weekend.  That plan didn't work.


Instead of taking some of the sinusitis symptoms (or whatever it is) off my husband so he could enjoy his weekend away, I just got the symptoms myself and he still has it.  So we're both down for the count.  He's toughing it out and trying to enjoy Lamb Jam.  I'm laying low.  Did some volunteer work with a friend this afternoon, and hoping to be able to hammer out a slow 20 miler tomorrow morning.  We shall see...  I feel awful.  My throat hurts to swallow, so I'm barely drinking any water.  That's not going to mix well with 80 degrees and 90% humidity! 


In other news, my search for a car dealership that does NOT steal all the coins out of my car continues.  I took my new car in for service the first time on Friday, picked it up on Saturday.  I did an exact count of the coins in the armrest when I dropped it off -- 4 quarters, 2 dimes, 1 nickel.  It was the first thing I checked when I picked it up.  1 quarter, 2 dimes, 1 nickel. 


People are such $hitheads.  I'm beyond irritated.  I even told my customer service advisor that the reason I drove all the way to the dealership in Plano was because the Dallas one had stolen change from my car.  I didn't tell them it happened again because it just wasn't worth it (and of course, my customer service rep was off today). 


Seriously, who does that???? 

Flashback

Long, largely pointless entry to follow.  But at least I'm writing! 


I had a run-in with the law in January.  I had gone to the movies with a friend.  I got to the movie and looked for my wallet, and realized I had forgotten it at home.  I had my bigger wallet, which contains random stuff I rarely use (my bar card, my insurance card, my ATM card, a Sears card and a credit card I don't like).  So I was able to pay for the movie.  After the movie ended, my friend and I chatted for a few minutes and I went to my car because I was supposed to go to the airport to pick up my husband from a visit with his parents.  I should have been fine on time (airport is about 20 minutes away), but when I got to my car, my husband texted me -- "Surprise!  We landed 25 minutes early!" 


So instead of getting there right around the time he landed, he was going to have to wait.  Incidentally, this was day two of round one of the travel ban, so there were hundreds of protestors at the airport here in light of the detainees.  My husband doesn't like being around demonstrations like that, particularly when he's unarmed (as he is about 90% of the time when flying), both because of a fear of violence breaking out around him, and because of a fear of repercussions at work if someone thought he was a protestor or something like that (his supervisors are largely what you'd expect in Texas criminal justice...). 


So I got on the highway, and it was pretty empty.  I got in the express lanes, which have very few entrances and exits, and at this time on this day, even fewer cars.  I maybe passed 4 cars in 10 miles?  The speed limit was 75 and I was probably driving about 90. 

Then the express lanes ended.  Speed limit drops to 65 or 70 I think.  I merged in and there was more traffic, but still not too much.  I was sailing right along until I got pulled over.  Yow.  The first thing the officer said to me:  "I've been out here all day, and you get the prize for being the first car over 90!"  I was horrified, and then even more horrified to have to say, actually, I don't have my driver's license with me -- I do have my insurance card and multiple "other cards" in my name, and I know my DL number, but uh, nothing with my photo and name. 


Shiitake! 

Since then, I've tried to be better about carrying my license when I'm driving.  I've also obviously tried to be more careful about my speed.


I'm least likely to have my license with me when I'm going to I work out, since I don't need a credit card or ID or anything, and it's such a pain to put it in the trunk before I leave the house (my husband has trained me well not to put something in my trunk after I park, and never to leave something of value in the car).  So anyway, this week, I went into my trunk to get my wallet so that I could then drive somewhere and use a credit card but not take my whole purse with me. 


I reached into my purse for my wallet and came out with (clean) underwear.  It was like a flashback to single life especially if I'd been particularly promiscuous (I was definitely more of a serial monogamist, but yeah, I'm sure I still had underwear in my purse on some random occasion). 

So last week I had my most feared commuting crisis.  I ran to work as usual and rode the elevator to my office as usual.  When I got to my office, I checked my email, filled my water bottle, and got my stuff to take to the locker room:  my bag that lives at work (makeup, deo, hair stuff, flip flops), and the contents of the garment bag I'd brought from home for the week (outfit, shoes, underwear, jewelry).  It seemed to all be there, so I went down to the locker room.  Showered, dried my hair, and started to get dressed.


Shiitake.


No underwear.  I sent a text to the only person in the office I thought I could ask to look for clean underwear in my office (my accounting buddy), but she wasn't in for the day yet.  I pondered my options:


1.  Text my coworker.  She has kids, she'd probably have no objection to handling a colleague's clean underwear, but yeah, that just didn't feel right. 


2.  Wait in the locker room, half dressed, until my accounting buddy came in for the day.


3.  Go commando up to the office and search the bottom of my garment bag myself. 


I sat around in the locker room half dressed and in a towel for about 10 minutes.  A few more texts and I realized my accounting buddy wasn't even close.  I was leaning toward option 3, and I started packing up my workout clothes, when I suddenly realized that in an outer pocket of my bag that lives at work, there was clean underwear for just such an emergency! 


It was a pair I hate (which is why they stay at work) (much like the hideous black pumps that live under my desk for the commuting emergency I've encountered a few times -- no dress shoes).  But clean underwear nonetheless! 


I got dressed and went back to my office.  Sure enough, my packing system had not broken down, I'd brought clean underwear, they were just overlooked in the garment bag.  So I put the clean good underwear in my bag that lives at work until I could wash and replace with the pair I was wearing that I hated.  I washed the hated pair and put them in my purse to execute the swap -- and then apparently forgot. 


I'm just kind of glad it's austerity measures and I'm not pulling out my wallet in front of anyone with any frequency -- I can imagine some acquaintances would have been concerned about the state of my marriage if they'd seen me carrying underwear around...

VD

Valentine's Day seems to be a really big holiday for people who are dating, but less so for the rest of the world.  For us, it's usually an exchange of cards, flowers and sometimes chocolate for me, and some type of event for us -- special dinner, a show, whatever.  Most of all, lots of extra "I love you"s, shmoopy texts, kisses, and hugs. 


This year, we decided to get tickets to Shen Yun.  We went the weekend before last and it was an experience.  The dancing was amazing, and we each had favorite pieces (my husband liked the Tibetan drummers, I liked the yellow blossom dance), but we were both very surprised that about 2-3 of the 12-15 dance vignettes seemed to be very anti-Chinese government.  We were totally clueless walking in!  The website has details about how the performance company believes China's government is trying to make the company fail (and the Chinese government's opposition to Falun Gong (or Falun Dafa)).  But we didn't know any of that going into it, we just expected a 2-3 hour dance performance.  Anyway, politics aside (not that I'm sweeping any issue under the rug, I just know it's quite complicated), the dancing was lovely and it was nice VD celebration for us to be all dressed up and out together, whispering in our box about propaganda, whether we were being recruited, memories of when we were in China...


So when it got to be Sunday night this past weekend, my husband asked what we were going to do for the actual day of VD.  Since that meant we had no reservations, I suggested he come to a spin class with me.  And he agreed!  He usually hates working out at night, and while he loves biking, he's not big on spin, but in the interest of making me happy and ensuring we got to do something together on the actual night, he packed up his biking clothes. 


So I went to my second spin class of the year (also second spin class of the last 5+ years), on Valentine's Day, with my sweetest. 


Why spin?  Well, it's being taught by the great Megan Lyons!  At a fun studio, Grit.  If anyone can convince me to spin, it's Megan.  She's a great instructor and I might stick with it on at least a somewhat consistent basis (at least a couple classes per month hopefully) (of course it's very easy to say that since my work travel doesn't start for another month...).  Anyway, my first class was solely an effort to survive.  Megan's sister had given me some tips and I mostly kept the tension off and just tried to move my legs.  But for the VD class, I actually tried harder.  I'm not going to deny that there were multiple times my RPMs were below what she had set as the floor for the class, and I'm sure I always had the tension lower than it should have been, but baby steps!  I managed to get 13 miles in during the course of the class! 

Irrationally paranoid

So this is on the agenda for tomorrow.  Anticipating another night with little sleep and far too much worry:  

The rational part of me knows there's nothing to worry about.  But it's not the rational part of me that seems to be in control for the last week.

 

Words for the last week of my life:  anxious, tearful, insomniac, paranoid, grateful, fearful, shocked, prayerful, distressed, struggling, proud, nauseous, hungry, isolated, confused, nervous, worried, touched, defensive, lost, protective, Pokemon, restless, overly sensitive, disbelieving, irrational, awake, disappointed, hyper-vigilant, terrified, clingy, sad, obsessed, scared.      

The best word is probably a phrase:   Irrationally paranoid. 

I had lunch with another "wife" yesterday and she's feeling a lot of the same things. Especially the irrational paranoia.  And we concluded it will probably just take time.  Eventually, I'll (we'll) be able to say goodbye in the morning again and have it be like it was 8 days ago?  Just a regular "bye"?  Not an irrationally paranoid "bye"?  Eventually, surely...

Okay

For the approximately 5 people who read this blog who know where we live and what my husband does for work, we're okay. 


The officers involved were not in his department and he was not called in.  They rode double last night and stayed at the station except for calls.  He was told to rest because they're concerned there may be ongoing issues tonight or tomorrow.  Of course, resting wasn't much of an option -- there were non-stop sirens outside, and both our phones were blowing up. 


My heart is breaking for the families.  I don't say that to undermine in any way the heart break families feel when someone is killed by the police. But what happened last night here is pretty much my worst fear.  I trust my husband's judgment and experience so much, so even though I'm relieved he's off the streets in the current climate, when he has any kind of encounter, I'm not particularly nervous because I know he's one of the "cool heads" usually.  (Partly sensitive, partly smart, partly hates paperwork ;))  But for officers to be targeted at random from afar makes me not want to let him out of my sight.  He's my world. 

5 years later

Back in December 2010, one of the bloggers I've read the longest, Bella, got me into doing a series of prompts in December that were on such interesting topics. 

One of the prompts in December 2010 was to write a letter to yourself going into 2011 from the year 2015.  And I did it!  And now, 5 years later, I'm still blogging, and it's going to be 2016 soon.

Here's my original post (and here was Bella's), I thought it would be fun to see where things stand now.

The prompt was awkwardly phrased, telling you to imagine yourself 5 years from now (in Dec. 2010) and give advice to your current self for the year ahead.  I kind of blew that off, saying that I didn't really see any big changes in 2011 (other than knowing my 2 youngest brothers were getting married that year), and I was kind of hoping my life would be basically the same at the end of 2011 as it was at the end of 2010.  The biggest struggle for me at the end of 2010 was that I didn't really like my job, but the rest of my life was pretty much just as I wanted it. 


I chose to look at the question based on the main categories of how I define myself set out on my About Me page. 




Runner.  In late 2010 (almost 3 months after my first BQ), I figured that by late 2015, "I hopefully will have run Boston and requalified several times" and I'd have run several other marathons that were of interest, as well as a trail race and an ultra.  And I'd still run with the same crew, and hoped 2 friends who had left our crew would be back. 
Status:  Well, I've run Boston and I have requalified on more than one occasion, but I'm not presently qualified, and I'm a long way from it!  But running Boston and having the option to do so again was the real goal in 2010 looking toward 2015, and I've accomplished that.  As to the other aspects of my 2010 running goals/predictions for 2015, I've made some progress.  I have done a couple of the other marathons on my list, as well as a bunch of other marathons.  But I didn't really run a trail race or an ultra -- I did a marathon that was partially on trails (the Bataan Memorial Death March Marathon) and in training for that, I did 27 miles of walking while wearing the extra 40 pounds I carried on my back for that marathon.  But neither of those are really what I envisioned 5 years ago as "doing a trail race" and "running an ultra."  But as predicted in 2010, I still run with the same group of people.  But sadly, my 2010 dream was that two of my favorite running buddies who both moved to Cali would move back to Dallas, and neither of them has (but I'm still in touch with both, just visited the So-Cal one (and his wife and son) this past summer!).  But I've met some new running friends over the last half decade and those have been great experiences too.



Wife.  In late 2010, I wanted 2015 to have us as a settled and secure married couple, who know each other well and think of each other first.  I knew that would be tough (not just because I'd been unmarried for the first 30+ years of life), but I wanted to always think before speaking, to make more of an effort to let the little things go and to have the word "squadra" (Italian theme for our goal marriage) at the forefront of my actions. 
Status:  Going stronger than ever!  Feel very secure and settled, but there are definitely times we each think of ourselves first, and less like a team.  But I'm better about not sweating the small stuff, and we work on being a "squadra." 



Vegetarian.  Five years ago, it was easy to predict that I'd still be a vegetarian. I also predicted that I'd have even gone vegan on many days.  In 2015, I wanted to be an adventurous cook, always trying new recipes and relying more frequently on homemade leftovers for lunch instead of frozen meals or restaurants. 
Status:  Definitely still a vegetarian.  More vegan days since November 1, 2015 than probably in the last 5 years combined, but still far from being a real vegan.  I'd say I'm a pretty adventurous cook, but I still don't cook enough.  I work a lot and we go to bed usually not too long after I get home from work, so almost all weeknights it's something in the microwave (usually something from the in-store prepared meals section from the grocery).  And it's leftovers for lunch maaaaybe once a month.  When I cook on the weekend, there are usually leftovers, but I use those for other dinners and still eat Amy's frozen meals for lunch most days (though now vegan meals more often). 



Dallas-dweller.  In 2010, I wasn't certain where we'd be living today.  I knew it was most likely the same place we lived in 2010, but there were thoughts of moving back near my parents or near my in-laws, or maybe even to near my husband's family in Italy.  In 2010, my husband had said he really didn't want to move until 2016 or ideally after 2020.  In 2010, my immediate hope was to make progress hammering down the mortgage in 2011.
Status:  Same, same!  Happily living in the same condo and no plans to move on the horizon.  Earlier this year, I had a strong bug to move to San Fran, and I'd still love to do that, but my husband still isn't ready to change jobs and it's not really on the radar anymore.  I did refinance the mortgage at least once, maybe even twice, and I'm working on paying it off ahead of schedule. 



Attorney.  In 2010, I expected that right now I'd still be a a practicing attorney and that I'd love my job.  In late 2010, I knew the 2015 plan was likely going to require change from where I was in 2010, either by making some changes to how my 2010 job worked, or changing jobs.  I also expected that in 2015 I'd be a zealous advocate for a pro bono cause dear to my heart, and doing what I can to help children who encounter worse circumstances in their living arrangement than most people can imagine or would ever want to consider. 
Status:  Success!  Crazily enough, I changed jobs within about 3 months of writing out these predictions in 2010 and I'm still at that job.  Up until a few weeks ago, I loved it more than I thought it was possible to love a job.  The last couple months have been exceptionally stressful and yielded an unmanageable caseload, but that is presently slowly resolving.  The last few weeks have also added some very stressful salary negotiations, but as of last week (a call with the president of the sub for which I work, after multiple conversations with my boss, and with the president of my division), it seems like the negotiations are going well and I'm optimistic it will get worked out within the next couple weeks.  If it doesn't that will leave me in an awkward spot -- I don't want to change jobs, but I also don't want to be paid less than I believe (and apparently my boss, the president of my division, and the president of our sub) I deserve, it's just a matter of working out when and how that will happen.  If they don't make it happen, I don't want to leave, but I might try to make myself look.  It would all just be so much easier if they could just give me what I ask for immediately, sigh! 



Traveler.  In 2010, I was hoping that in 2015 I'd still go overseas every year, and roughly every other one of those trips would include Italy.  I wanted to get better at speaking Italian and even learn some dialect.  I planned on speaking Italian at home more and going back to an Italian conversation group, but adding some actual studying outside of class.  I hoped that by 2015, I'd have "been to Egypt, India and/or China."  I wanted to manage my work schedule and finances as needed to allow for an overseas trip each year, knowing that big trips overseas tend to strengthen our marriage, my perspective, and my sanity. 
Status:  I'd say success!  We have gone overseas every year for the last five years (including trips to many places I've long dreamed of going), and there's nothing like planning a wedding in an isolated non-touristy part of Italy where you pretty much can't find a wedding planner to force your Italian language skills to improve!  Unfortunately, even though I was able to communicate pretty easily a couple months ago in Italy, I don't work on my Italian as much as I should.  I really would like to use it more at home (though prioritizing open and clear communication is certainly more important), I really should go back to conversation group (my husband still goes weekly), and I really should study on my own.  I'd say I've met my actual travel goal -- I've been to India AND China (and I would have gone to Egypt, but for that political stuff...).  And, to excuse my lack of Italian studying, in my defense, I've taken Chinese class for a pretty long time (though you wouldn't really know that to hear me speak).  Honestly though, "learning" is something I should put more effort into going forward.  Italian, Chinese, French or something new, I should just buckle down and spend at least an hour a week on it.  I usually like trying to unplug on the weekends, but it's turned into lazily watching TV lately instead of even just pulling out a language book and working on it.  Guess now's the perfect time to make some kind of resolution...


There was also a bonus question in December 2010, looking back at where I was 10 years earlier (December 2000) and thinking what advice I wished I'd had then.  In December 2000, I had just found out I passed the bar and was settling into my first few months of work.  The main thing lacking from my life then was work-life balance, and there were lots of dinners at work that were bad for my social life and my waistline.  But in December 2010, I recognized that I was quite content, and everything in December 2000 worked out just right to lead me to where I was in December 2010. 
I feel that same way now, looking back at December 2010.  It all worked out just right.  There were lots of changes between December 2000 and December 2010 (job change, starting running, dating, meeting and marrying my husband, etc.), but there have been very few changes between December 2010 and today (the primary one being my job), and I don't really expect much to change in the next 5 years.  I'm actually hoping very little will change -- I'd be very content to still be running the same mileage, still traveling, still at the same job and in the same condo with the same guy, going to visit the same relatives...


If I get motivated, maybe I should now try to look ahead to December 2020...  But that would be three posts within a week, and yow, that's just unsustainable these days! 

Steaming Piles

Did I mention it has kind of felt like the world was (mildly) $hitting on me lately? 


Bear in mind that I readily acknowledge I'm still insanely lucky.  No significant health issues for me or anyone I love.  Great husband who loves me.  Interesting job that I enjoy and that compensates me well.  Yada, yada, yada.  It could be one million times worse.  But at the same time, I hate when people delegitimize how they feel about things.  If something upsets you, even something trivial, something that should be "hashtag firstworldproblems," it does, and you're entitled to own that feeling.  Just because it could be worse doesn't mean it's not legitimate.  I could go on and on about this and still not feel like I'm explaining myself well. 


Regardless, in the context of my good and happy life, in the last month, it's felt like there has been more steaming piles of crap than in the last 5 years combined?  Maybe I'm overstating it, but I've been down and feeling beaten down for several weeks now.  And it seriously all started when we came home from San Francisco. 

 

The short list of problems, none of which existed as of Memorial Day:

• I'm homesick.  Not so much homesick, but family sick.  I particularly miss my parents and some of my younger brothers and my nieces and nephews.  My husband has said we can move anywhere I want in the world in 6-8 years, but he is not willing to move right now even if I got a job with a starting salary over $1,000,000 (I think I mentioned this, but he found out while we were in Nepal that he was changing jobs within his organization; he now loves what he does and feels he's making a major positive difference in the world and is not willing to walk away from it for a slew of reasons.).

• I'm feeling blah about Dallas.  I was enamored with (of?) San Francisco.  It's so geographically interesting with the bay and the mountains.  It's got amazing running trails.  It's got hills that I could learn to love.  It's got tons of people out and about -- eating, doing things, being active, etc.  It's got great weather.  Again, my husband has said he's fine with moving there in 6-8 years, even if we live in a ghetto one-bedroom apartment, even if my brother and sister-in-law and nephew Willard have moved away, even if we have not a single relative anywhere in that time zone.  Just as long as we wait 6-8 years. 

• I'm reconsidering the decision I've been certain of for more than 20 years -- that I don't want kids.  I think spending so many days with my baby nephew gave me pause.  (I think I mentioned this, but my husband has one grown son from his first marriage, and expressly told me within the first month we were dating, almost exactly a decade ago that he ABSOLUTELY DID NOT want to have children and if I wanted that, we should end things then because he was positive.  So where does this leave us if I have actually changed my mind?  I should mention, however, that I am far from certain I have changed my mind, it's more just something I've been thinking about.  But I'm almost afraid to really consider it because if I concluded that I really did want that, I don't know how we could bridge that divide.)

• Someone at work who started after me in a different division got promoted above me to a spot in that division (no such opening in my division, absolutely irrelevant to me, says nothing about my performance, just a matter of job openings, but still hurts.  And hurts a lot actually.) 

• I've been overwhelmed with work.  The furthest behind I've been in ages.  Approximately 6 reports I need to write, 4 of which were due in late April, each of which will take at least 4 days, and likely a full week to research and write.  Reports are one of the most important things I do, and I've never had more than 2 that were past-due, and I usually work hard to do them all on time.  And aside from reports, on all my other 170 cases, tons of other matters that need to be addressed.  Inbox overwhelming.  I feel like if the reports were magically written overnight tonight, I could still work for about a month straight with nothing new coming in before I got caught up.  And it's never nothing new coming in.  2 of the reports I need to write just hit my desk this week (so they're not due for a few weeks, but I really should be starting them now, instead of working on the 4 that were due in the last 2 months, but of course I need to get the oldest ones done first.)  It's like the mail -- the flow of litigation seems to never stop. 

• As I mentioned, I scratched my eye again last week Sunday.  It's all healed up now, but it was causing a lot of pain and logistical headaches (running with glasses, repeated trips to the eye doctor, etc.).

• My father-in-law was moved into a nursing home.  This was not unexpected, but still a lot of turmoil and adjustment.  My in-laws moved into one of those "here til you die" places a few years ago.  It has the 3 stages -- independent apartments, nursing homes, and hospital-level care, all on site.  They've been in an apartment but he's been falling a lot so they had to wait for someone in the nursing home to die, and that happened a few days ago, so now my father-in-law has moved into that person's spot.  Ironically, his new roommate is someone he went to high school with.  And in many ways, this is better -- he and my mother-in-law have been married for over 50 years, but they seem to fight all the time in the last 8 or so years.  Some separation and space might help them to be less agitated with each other.  Regardless, it's very clear now that my father-in-law's health is fading.  My in-laws' situation is one of the main reasons we bought trip insurance for our fall vacation.  My husband lives the furthest from his parents but calls pretty much daily and is very close to them. 

• My husband had a car accident last week -- got rear-ended on his way to work.  Fortunately it was by one of the approximately 50% of Dallas motorists WITH insurance, and the guy was totally honest with his insurer about it (admitted he looked away from the road, etc.).  (I assume it goes without saying (since it otherwise would have topped the list of steaming piles of $hit), but my husband was physically fine, a little sore, but the guy who hit him gave him some ibuprofen and my husband took a lot more ibuprofen in the following few days and now seems to be totally back to normal.)

• And for good measure, let's throw in general dissatisfaction with the state of my body and fitness.  Wanting to lose weight (but not wanting it enough to DO something about it), running slower than I'd like (but injury free), feeling flabby and old in general. 

 

So the latest addition to the list? 

 

• Found out last night that my husband's car is actually totaled.  It didn't look too bad from the photos I saw, but it wouldn't restart at the scene.  It was towed to an auto shop by our house, and we understood from a friend that sometimes cars need to be reset by a mechanic if they are hit hard enough, some kind of fire precaution or something.  So we thought, okay, they reset that, do some bumper repairs, should be good as new within a week or whatever.  Well, no, it's actually totally done.  The other guy apparently went under my husband somehow (I still don't really get that, since my husband has an Audi A4, so it's not exactly a high riding vehicle, and the guy who hit him was driving an Infinity or something like it).  And of course this happens not too long after my husband had finally paid off his car. 

 

Now what?  Does anyone have any experience with this?  Do you just take whatever the at-fault motorist's insurer (USAA if it matters) offers?  Do you negotiate that?  Do you have your insurer negotiate the offer (or set up a subrogation claim)? 

 

Man, this sucks.  The last thing we want is a car payment, or even to spend the time car shopping. 

 

We figured my car would die first (it's still under 100,000 miles, but it's a 2001), and the plan was that I would take his Audi, and he would get a new car.  That seemed good because he really, really, really, really wants to get a Fiat 500.  And if we had the Audi, we'd still have a car that was good for transporting 4-5 people, plus luggage, etc.  My car is a 2 door BMW convertible that technically seats 4, but the backseat is not large and when the top is up, it's almost impossible for my parents, for example, to get in and out of it. 

 

What to do? 




New car for him?  Fiat?  Something else?  Used car for him? 




When exactly are we supposed to figure all this out and deal with the colossal headache that is sure to be car shopping?  We don't want a new car!  We don't want a car payment!  We want a time machine to go back and make this guy keep his eyes on the road!  We want a paid off, well-maintained, owned by us from birth, Audi!  Wah, wah, wah. 




I recognize that I'm putting a whole lot out here in this post.  Any words of wisdom (or even just good thoughts (save your prayers for real issues, which I fully recognize these are not, except maybe a few prayers for my father-in-law)) on any of the above-mentioned piles of $hit would be appreciated, but what to do regarding the "totaled" car is the most urgent pile of $hit and is particularly in need of advice/words of wisdom. 




Thanks friends. 

Crazy Texas Laws

You hear all the time about those random crazy laws still on the books.  You can't carry a chicken while walking in the roadway after dusk or something.

I just found a fun Texas one.  (Hey, at least I'm not posting about how much I miss that stinkin' baby, right?)

You cannot carry a knife with a blade over 5.5 inches unless you are (1) in your house or (2) inside of or directly en route to your vehicle.

So if your friend drives you to Crate & Barrel and you buy a knife there and ride home in her car?  Illegal.

If you're like us and live within 2 blocks of a Crate & Barrel and buy a chef's knife and walk home?  Illegal. 

If you live downtown and park on the street and were walking into your apartment building while carrying the shopping bag?  Illegal. 

If you get a knife set for Christmas, fly home with it in your checked suitcase, and then take a taxi home from the airport?  Illegal (probably; it would depend whether you could say the taxi was a vehicle under your control). 

Apparently there's no exception if it's in a box, with a receipt, purchased in the last 30 minutes. 

Section 46.02 of the Texas Penal Code. 

One of the things you sometimes hear in discussions about race and policing is how there are these laws that are discriminatorily enforced, how police presence and resources are not evenly distributed over all areas of population, and how, as a result of targeted police presence or enforcement, some people have trouble making it through life without accumulating a conviction of some type.   So far, I think I have bought two sets of knives in my life, both of which sets contained more than one blade over 5.5 inches.  If I had to guess, for the balance of my life on this earth, I could see buying 3 more knives or sets of knives with blades over 5.5 inches.  Odds are high that I would not do so while riding in a friend's car, but if we still live in this house, there's a good chance I'd walk home from Crate & Barrel, which would be the most likely place for me to buy one.  I'll have to cross my fingers and hope that I'm not subjected to any kind of targeted enforcement effort. 

Eye Status

Apparently my eye is rejecting some contacts.  All of a sudden a couple weeks ago, one of my eyes started getting blood red and my contact hurt.  I posted about it before, but basically, I tried another pair of contacts, same thing.  Went to the eye doctor, got a new prescription, then after a couple days, same thing.  Went to DC with a horribly red eye and my glasses. 

Because I'm vain, I tried yet another pair of contacts for the big reunion event Saturday night.  I made it through dinner, but by the time we got back to the law school for dancing and open bar, I had to take it out because it was turning red.  (I opted to wear one contact and have weird vision instead of putting on my glasses.) 

Finally, this past Tuesday, my eye was clear again and I tried another pair. 

And now, Sunday morning, I'm still wearing that pair and my eye is totally clear.  I guess I've finally found a brand that works -- or whatever allergen was getting me is gone.  Or whatever scratch kept getting aggravated is healed.  Either way, it works.

The three worst things about it all:

1.  Having a very red eye.  Everyone noticed.  I looked ridiculous. 
2.  Wearing glasses while running.  Major fear of tripping because I couldn't see directly in front of me (gap between bottom of glasses and bottom of eyesight range).
3.  No sunglasses, particularly while driving, since I had to wear my glasses and don't own prescription sunglasses. 

And what's funny is that now that I'm finally able to wear contacts (and sunglasses), this was the forecast looking ahead on Thursday morning: 

 

Haha.  Irony. 

 

Especially since Dallas is one of the sunniest places ever and we never seem to have more than about two rainy days in a row. 

Spring on the Trail

This post is actually probably two weeks old?  But I took photos on my phone and really wanted to share. 

The weekend after St. Pat's was when it became official that spring has sprung in Dallas.  The weekend had incredible weather. 

Everything was in bloom on the running trail a couple blocks from our house: 

And it was jam packed with runners, walkers, dog walkers, cyclists, roller bladers, and probably several other groups I can't even recall.

Mile marker 1 on the south-bound trail (it's the strip inlaid in the path): 

And even neighbors are providing further evidence of Spring:

Unfortunately, the other consequence of Spring -- it's warm.  And by warm, this is what I mean (and this is only significant if you can see that little time stamp up at the top; 4:39, getting dressed to run, already 70 degrees...): 

 

I think we've already had three mornings over 70 degrees between 5 and 6 a.m. when I start my workouts.  Makes me fear that this is going to be a long and ugly summer, but we shall see. 

Special Street

As I mentioned, this past weekend was my favorite 5k of the year.  Even the more uneventful years are so fun -- so many friends run this race and it has a great atmosphere.  This weekend, there was someone walking in front of me during the last half mile and she was struggling, I told her to come on, and she did and thanked me.  It's an encouraging and fun atmosphere.  Possibly because some people start drinking before the race?  Haha.

I have tons of awesome memories from this race:

One year, I had an amazing pacer, and I remember feeling like a dog because she kept turning around and saying "Come on girl" to me.  She also kept my watch during the race.

One year, I pushed my godson in a stroller.  I think I shared this story before, but I ran as hard as I could with him, and on the big hill of the race, halfway up, I realized that directly in front of me (and therefore directly in my godson's face) was the butt of a guy wearing nothing but green boxer briefs. 

One year, it was the day of my bridal shower and my mom did the race too, pre-festivities.  It was a PR at the time and one of the happiest days of my life! 

One year, one of my dearest friends was in town for the race and a day of fun following. 

One year, a friend wearing a beer mug costume paced me and I clearly remember some spectator, a middle-aged guy with a belly, standing on the lawn of one of the apartment complexes as we ran by.  As we passed, he said, "ah, now here come the fun runners."  For an entire half mile I thought about going back to choke the guy and asking him how fun he thought a 7:xx pace was.  Can't even remember what pace I was running, but I swear, it was not fun (though it was a cake walk for the guy pacing me). 

Last year, one of my favorite running buddies who moved to California was in town and we got to hang out afterward. 

One year my middle little brother and his wife came to visit that weekend and we all ran it, watched the parade and spent the day hanging out at house parties. 

This is the brother who has been on my mind constantly lately with his new baby. 

So it was extra cool to go to my secret easy-in-easy-out parking spot for this race and realize the street has the same name as my new nephew! 

Carbon Footprint

Mostly just recording this momentous event for my own sake, but I thought it was cool.  Yesterday was Wednesday and both our cars sat in the garage at home all day.  And we both worked!  At our workplaces! 

Hubby took public transit to and from work, and I ran. 

Woot!  (See, finally made my resolutions and I'm getting to work on the commuting one already!) 

I don't think it's sustainable for either of us, but it's cool to do occasionally, and nice to have the option if we ever decided to become a one-car couple or a car was in the shop or something -- or I guess if we became a zero-car couple (which would not be by choice, and we would have been screwed since we drove to and from boot camp together before work, but at least we could still get to our jobs if we sold or lost our cars). 

It took him 1 hour and 27 minutes to get from the door of our house to his desk -- total distance of 11 miles.  That strikes me as a collossal waste of time. 

It took me about 40 minutes to get from the door of our house to my desk -- a total distance of less than 4 miles (including all my "building" time -- walking from the door through the lobby, elevators, hallways on my floor, etc.).  That strikes me as a perfectly appropriate commute that I should do more often since I was also getting in a work out at the same time. 

We've been toying with the idea of getting bikes.  I think my husband could be at the office in less than an hour if he biked (I'm sure the distance would be longer than 11 miles since he'd be taking smaller streets).  I could probably be at the office in about 15 minutes?  I don't really have a good guage of how long it takes to bike places.  I usually guess a speed of 15 mph but I don't know if that's a good estimate or not. 

Anyway, I was proud of us for doing it.  My husband said he liked it because he ended up watching a show on Netflix on his phone (The Fall, which I haven't watched).  I was happy to have the extra 7.5 to 8 miles under my belt. 

The bonus to hubby taking public transit was that I HAD to run home -- there was no possibility of him picking me up on his way home.  That's definitely good for me.  No excuses! 

But actually, yesterday was about the worst possible day to do this.  It rained last night.  By 6:30, it was steady.  Not pouring, but raining.  Hubby didn't have a jacket since it wasn't very cold, so he got wet in his work clothes since he had to wait a few minutes for a bus to go the final mile to our house.  And even with all the spare running gear I stash in my desk, somehow a running hat wasn't in the pile, so I also got very wet.  Ugh. 

Oh well, it was a good day not to have an excuse. 

Now to make this happen every week, at least for me...

Baking done

I know it's been quiet around here lately but as is the case for pretty much all of us, there's just so much to do this time of year! 

I'm not complaining because as always, no one is making me do anything, but wow, it's a lot.  Having a late Thanksgiving this year, and then going out of town for a marathon the following weekend (did I mention that?, yeah, marathon about 8 days ago, not a PR attempt, just 4.25 painful hours of an otherwise fun girls' weekend), then one weekend in town, and now just a few more days before I fly home -- it all adds up to mean that all the usual holiday stuff is not unfolding seamlessly.  Oh, and I have to add on work chaos since we're understaffed right now and the work is really being piled on.

So here's the general holiday status:

Decorating -- 100% done!

Cards -- 60% done.  Have mailed/delivered about half of them, and made a list and set aside photos for the other 50%.  Just have to write, address and mail all of those. 

Baking -- 100% done!  Baked with my neighbor all day Saturday this past weekend and we made 8 different kinds of cookies.  I made cookie plates for 3 holiday parties (1 for me, 1 for hubby, 1 joint), for several co-workers, for another neighbor, and for a bunch of friends. 

Shopping -- 65% done.  TGFAP (Thank Goodness for Amazon Prime).  Guess I know what I'm doing Wednesday night after the social run...  Unfortunately, I still need ideas for a couple people, but I've at least made progress on most of my family.  I need to sit down and make a big list of what I've got for each person, what else is needed and where/when/how I plan on getting what else is needed. 

Wrapping -- 0% done.  Maybe tonight?  It's perhaps my least favorite of these holiday to-dos.  Maybe this year I'll cheat and do gift bags?  But honestly, I love the way pretty wrapped presents look.  Almost all the gifts for my family are being sent to Wisconsin, so I don't have to lug them with me when I go, but that means that I'm going to be stuck spending lots of time wrapping over this coming weekend when I get there. 

Shipping -- 0% done.  I only mail gifts to two of my best friends, my stepson, and one of my brothers.  And I'm done with the shopping for all of them.  But back to that 0% on the wrapping...

So despite that massive list hanging over my head, I managed to have a thoroughly fun weekend featuring a 5k, marathon spectating, and the aforementioned baking.  Plus I went to my Chinese class, Sara's post-marathon and birthday dinner, and all kinds of other good stuff.

I spent the entire 5k warm-up holding this little guy.  I'm not usually big on babies, especially not for more than the initial 5 or so minutes of seeing them, but he was so quiet and alert and non-drooling and non-smelly and smiley and non-hair-pulling that I couldn't resist holding him for the better part of an hour.  He loved watching everything around us. 

And here are the cookie photos, the results of an entire day of baking! 

I also took about 100 pictures at our local marathon on Sunday.  My husband and I walked to a place along the route and watched the parade -- from runner 1 (a half marathoner who we almost thought had cheated by starting early because he was so far out front), to the lead marathon pack, to Sara Hall (who was being paced by Ryan Hall and who was going for an American half-marathon record), to my first friend (not far behind the elites, he was running on the co-ed relay team that won the race, so they were all flying), to my training buddies, to other friends, to pretty much the very end (the people who appeared to be 100% walking).  Then I drove to go see them all again.  I parked near mile 21 and missed the 3:05 pace group, but I was there several minutes before the 3:15 pace group, so I didn't miss many people I knew.  I ran a bit with several friends.  Unfortunately, I was right at the beginning of the suckiest uphill in the entire course, so people seemed kind of disheartened, especially since it was a humid day in the low 60s, so far from ideal weather.  It was fun to see the people who were still trucking along and it was fun to encourage those who seemed to be struggling.

One of my biggest race pet peeves I noticed during my marathon last week -- so many people who came out to cheer who were just standing there, watching and quietly waiting for their family member or friend to come by.  So I vowed not to be like that -- I would cheer and make noise constantly, not just when I saw a friend.  One of my friends said he heard me a mile away!  I hope he was joking, but I will admit that people definitely heard me because many times, I missed a friend's face in the crowd, only to hear that runner call out to me and wave, having seen me and recognized my voice.  It was so much fun!  But part of me understands why so many stand quietly -- it was a lot of work!  Trying to come up with things to yell, and then yelling the same thing again and again and again and again and again and again... 

My faves for my first watch point (mile 7):  Looking strong!  Nice job!  Keep it up!  Doing great!  Way to go!  Less than 20 more miles!  You're doing it! 

My faves for my second watch point (mile 20-21):  Keep it steady!  Keep going!  Keep your head in the game!  Last hill!  Looking strong!  Nice job!  Hold on!  You've got this!  Run, run, run! 

Anyway, a friend I ran with several years ago met up with me and we headed backwards on the course to look for his wife.  Eventually, I wound my way back to one of the beer stops right at mile marker 20, and I waited to find Sara, who was running her first marathon ever. 

Thankfully, I was watching and cheering instead of looking at the clock or the pace groups.  She came through way ahead of schedule.  By then, it was raining steadily, and I jumped in to run with her for a couple miles.  I assumed that would be the best place to meet her since it seems like that's where I (and pretty much 95% of other marathoners) struggle the most.  But she was ticking along, kicking butt!  She was in a great place mentally and running strong.  Within a few minutes, the sky seemed to really open up on us, and it poured.  After dodging some puddles, we eventually had to ford a small river across Abrams -- there was no avoiding it and our shoes got completely soaked.  But at that point, she was already nearly at mile 22 and 5 miles in soaking shoes isn't the end of the world, so she just powered through.  I'll leave it to her to tell her own race story on her blog, but it was one of the highlights of my weekend to get to join her for a bit. 

Tree

Well, I can't say much for UPS in keeping the shipping status current, but no sooner did I fret that our new tree hadn't moved from Buffalo where it was stuck in the storm, than the status was changed to delivered!  So we have a tree after all.  That's a big relief to me since I won't be home with my folks until Dec. 19, and since I probably won't see snow in Dallas before then, having our tree up and decorated is really the main way for me to get into the holiday spirit. 

Thanksgiving was lovely.  Our local Turkey Trot is 8 miles and it's my longest streak race -- this was year number 11 in a row.  Not a PR, but not bad.  I ran about 20 seconds per mile faster than the plan, but the weather was nice and I was running with a friend, so it was great.  And the race itself was a grateful experience -- running in general, Dallas having awesome running weather for a fair amount of the year, a great running community (it's one of the largest trots in the country, something like 35,000 people, counting the 5k), and perhaps most of all, my running friends.  For the first year since my husband and I have been together, we didn't meet up with my buddies before the race.  We just went to the start, but within minutes of getting into the corral, we were with friends.  First, I ran into a guy I ran with about 4 years ago, then one of my original best boot camp buddies (who had actually just gotten off night shift, was going to run the race, then going home to sleep from 11 until 5, then working that night), then more and more friends I love that I've met through running.  The race was more of the same.  Running with one of my buddies, but running into friends along the way, former coworkers, neighbors, everything, so much fun to share some miles (or fractions thereof, as the case may be) with them.  It was a new course this year that didn't highlight the prettiest parts of the city, but the streets were full, there were plenty of costumes, it made me get all teary right in the middle of the race -- I was overwhelmed with a feeling of gratefulness and joy.  I'm a lucky girl and I know it. 

I've said it before, and in some ways it scares me -- I feel like life is so good it's just a matter of time before some shoe drops.  I suppose that's true actually, there is going to be a bump in the road.  It's hard to guess what it will be.  But I have to just enjoy this ride while it lasts.  Healthy, so in love, about to go visit my family next month, surrounded by friends who mean so much to me, a job I love, an amazing year wrapping up, all the material comforts I want, getting to see the world.  It just doesn't seem like it could get any better. 

After the trot, we came home to cook.  Our Thanksgiving contributions were mashed potatoes, olives and pickles, canned cranberry sauce, acorn squash halves filled with peas, rolls, and a dessert -- cranberry squares.  We had our big meal at my friend and her husband's house (he is my ex-boss).  One of his sons was there as well (just turned 16).  They made turkey (she's a vegetarian too, but neither of our husbands are), gravy, stuffing (in the bird and separate veggie stuffing for us), green bean casserole, glazed carrots, homemade cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie. 

The food was all amazing.  The downside to having been back from vacation for nearly a month is that our stomachs have returned to normal size and I wasn't able to eat nearly as much as I wanted.  I basically had a single plate full -- but it was very full.  And then two desserts.  We'd also had big bowls of greek yogurt with granola and blueberries after the race (plus a granola bar before and an orange in the car on the way home).  But then we had the big meal at about 3 and didn't eat again.  I was still full when we went to bed! 

In retrospect, it was funny because they really wanted to see our pictures from India and Nepal and Dubai so after we ate, we plugged the laptop into their tv and they looked at the pictures.  And they were both falling asleep.  It was like torture I bet -- here, look at 1,500 photos of India with an uncomfortably full belly and try to stay awake.  For us, it was kind of fun because it was the first time we'd really looked at the photos other than to pick out our Christmas card enclosure photos.  But they asked for it!  So we spent post-dinner looking at photos, sitting around talking, and then cleaning up the kitchen and packing up leftovers. 

Then Friday was spent primarily putting up the tree, and trimming it while listening to Christmas music.  Unfortunately for my husband, when we listen to our Christmas mix CDs, then it gets to be time to put on New Kids on the Block Christmas CD.  Oh, he hates it as much as I love it! 

I know CDs are so retro, but Christmas seems to be the only time I listen to them instead of digital music.

Anyway, as to the tree, I'm so glad we got it done.  We also ate two huge plates of leftovers, one of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving.  I think we each have enough for about 2-3 more plates, then it will all be gone. 

Our new tree was 6 inches taller than our old one, and I think we could have gone up another 6 inches, but it seems to fit pretty well.  Sorry for the iphone pic, but here it is: 

 

The plan for the rest of the weekend is to go for my "last" "long" run in a little while, write out our cards (at least half of which I've already addressed!) today, come up with a baking list for cookies, see a movie (hubby wants to see Foxcatcher) and get organized -- put away decoration remnants and pick up in general.   Then tomorrow will be a shorter run, breakfast with some friends, some online shopping, Chinese class, and packing -- flying out for work on Monday! So much better than having to travel on Sunday and having it cut into my weekend.

 

Restless

Since my last two posts have been Powerless and Treeless, I figured I'd continue the "less" theme based on last night -- restless.

We watched the news last night to hear the grand jury's finding in Ferguson, and we both woke up around 1:00 and decided to turn on the news just for a minute (which I don't think we've EVER done in the middle of the night) to see what was going on.  General concerns about mass chaos I guess, though neither of us really thought that was likely. 

I can't say I disagree with the grand jury's finding.  Of course they are in the best position decide having heard all the evidence, rather than reports of it, which is all I've heard.  For me, hearing about the blood evidence inside the car was most convincing -- that to me meant that Brown was in a position to threaten the officer and not shot from a distance when arguably less lethal tactics should have been considered first.  Of course it's tragic, and it should not have happened, and there are so many better ways it all could have unfolded, but it's very hard to judge the split-second decisions of people in distress.  And now the stories about crime, protest, looting, and fires seem to take away from what I feel like is the real point, which to me is racial inequality in the criminal justice system in this country.  In many ways I understand why this is such a tipping point, it's a big problem and obviously a segment of the population feels victimized. 

Setting aside the actual events in Ferguson, the fact is that the US prison population has a very different racial composition from the country as a whole.  And there's no particular moment or opportunity when people are motivated to really think about that, discuss it, or protest it.  So this grand jury finding seems to be as good an excuse as any to demonstrate that feeling of victimization. 

The incarcerated population is so different from the actual population, and I have to ask...

Why?  What makes the racial composition so different?  Is it actual differing levels of criminal activity (and if so, why?), or is it differing levels of enforcement and then processing through the criminal justice system that creates the disparity (and if so, what part of that system?)?  Pre-police contact or post-police contact that creates this racial discrepancy among the incarcerated? 

Is it the police and enforcement?  Targeting areas where minorities live in higher proportion?  Subjecting minorities to higher scrutiny in a true race-blind encounter (responding to a call, or a motor vehicle accident, or whatever)? 

Courts?  Mandatory minimums or federal sentencing guidelines?

DAs charging differently or allowing pleas? 

Juries?

Or is it more on the pre-police end?

Education? 

Discrimination in employment opportunities?

Something else?

It's not something I've ever really looked into (pretty much all my "free" research time is spent on WWII), but is there good data about whether it's as much a class/economic disparity as it is a racial disparity in prison?  I know there's tons of overlap of course, but do non-minority poorer people have the same issues, or is it really race at the core? 

As to education, I think (my opinion only) that is equally awful without regard to race -- it's more the economics of the area, district, school, etc.  And I think there is a higher police presence in any economically disadvantaged neighborhood -- regardless of the racial composition of that neighborhood.  Higher police presence yields more police contacts, more arrests, more people with criminal histories, etc. 

I don't think there's any real belief that our society is actually color-blind.  I've never had a non-traffic encounter with the police other than calling for assistance (always promptly dispatched, though when you call 911 in Dallas (which I've done numerous times, largely to report accidents I've witnessed, you frequently have to hold before getting an operator)) or making reports as a crime victim (in Italy for a "legit" crime, and here in Dallas a couple times for property crimes (being in a hit and run, someone breaking into my car (though, the top was down at the time, so less breaking, more entering)).  In all my police encounters (I don't count airport checkpoint screenings as a police encounter), I've never had to step out of the vehicle or been searched. 

Is that partially related to my sex as a woman?  My age (though I had more tickets and traffic stops in my teens and 20s than in my 30s)?  Where I drive (I'm generally within a 5 mile radius of our house)?  My perceived socio-economic class?  The fact that I drive a fairly nice car -- even though it's older now?  Interestingly enough, I was stopped in Dallas more in 1 year in my old crappy car than in about 4 years in my beemer when it was new and I definitely drove it more quickly than my Olds, but that could be a factor of where I was driving, or whatever.  Or is it because of my race? 

Thoughts or any of it? 

Texas State Fair recap

As I mentioned, one of the destinations this past weekend was the State Fair of Texas.  It runs for just over 3 weeks, but I'll be out of town for the remaining weekends, so this was my one chance.  And based on what I eat when I'm there, it's very good that I only go once a year! 

This will be a picture-heavy post.  Kind of like the travel recap posts I'm HOPING to be able to share while we're on vacation starting next week (!!!!!!!). 

I posted before about what I was going to eat at the Fair this year, and it was pretty much 100% mission accomplished, except I never found the biscuits and gravy as described online (instead, as you'll see below, I found the non-sweet equivalent, likely even better).

The comments on that post showed me what I would not have otherwise guessed -- that not everyone loves this stuff.  People were split, with Meredith and Amy landing on the "yes!" side of my eating plan, but a majority including Jennifer, Mike, Gracie and Megan landing on the "yuck!" side of my eating plan (incidentally, all people with awesome blogs). 

There were several healthy options available (grilled chicken and such), and many "borderline" healthy options (I'd put grilled corn in this category), but the bulk of the menus fell on the unhealthy side (fried, sweet, alcoholic, or two of those three).  And I ended up eating only the unhealthy (though I drank mostly water, which was better). 

Since Saturday night consisted of dinner at a local pizza place and then a long game of Mexican Trains with my folks after my husband went to sleep, and since Sunday my morning consisted of a 10 mile and change run with my friends, a 90 minute Bikram class with my mama, and brunch (at Cafe Brazil) with a friend who'd run 18, I went into the Fair at something less than "full of energy."  I also arrived not hungry, which was nice.  Lots of time to consider what would fill the belly space.  And fill the belly space it did, but I'm getting ahead of myself. 

Our first stop was the greenhouse.  There were tracks and model trains going through the plants and little replicas of beautiful Texas buildings. 

The Alamo in San Antonio, and the Live Stock Exchange in Fort Worth:

Our next stop was one of my traditional favorites, the big Ferris wheel, which is $8 per person and includes lovely views of downtown:

I began menu-browsing after that, trying to see what looked good.  The deep fried spaghetti could have been interesting, but of course since it was with meatballs, I ruled it out.  I put the fried red velvet cupcake on my "maybe later" mental list:

We then got to see Big Tex, who now speaks Spanish too!  One of the many crazy memories from our trip to China in 2012 (I wish I could link to one post that had references to all my travel recaps, oh well, there was lots of crazy stuff) was seeing images of burning Big Tex and not understanding what was going on back home: 

For reference, here is are a couple pictures like the ones we saw on the news in China:





 As you can imagine, it was quite confusing and mildly alarming since we thought there was a chance some major $hit was going on back in Dallas.

Anyway, one of the things we spent the most time doing at the Fair this year (besides walking) was watching dance and performance groups.  A San Antonio "Texas clogging" group, belly dancers, African drum performers, and Irish dancers: 

The first food for me had to be fried butter.  At Jennifer's request, here are photos.  I was disappointed to hear the topping choices this year.  I think they were honey/cinnamon/sugar, grape jelly, or chocolate sauce.  In past years, I've chosen garlic, which makes it taste like buttery bites of garlic bread.  Rather than risk compromising my favorite fair food, I (and my folks, who shared one order) elected to go with plain.  That meant instead of tasting like buttery garlic toast, it tasted like buttery toast.  Oh so good!  This averages out to one fried butter ball per quarter.  My husband thinks only heathens eat butter on their bread (and that olive oil is the only appropriate choice), so I pretty much never have butter at home unless it's on a baked potato or in a baked good.  So hopefully this won't kill me.  If it does, well, what a way to go is all I can say! 

The last ball of fried butter, a sad thing:

Some food options -- fried s'mores sounded intriguing but didn't make the cut in the end:

The butter sculpture this year was wild running horses.  When I saw it, I kept thinking they should cut it up and fry it after the Fair.

We decided on a fluke to go into the children's zoo equivalent at the Fair.  I go in this building about every other year because the animal hair usually kills my allergies within a few minutes and I end up wheezing and sneezing for hours afterward, but it wasn't as bad this year.  Maybe since the Fair had only been open 3 days, there was less hair in the space?

My favorite was probably this little giraffe.  I felt badly for it since it seemed kind of scared, like it just wanted to sit real still and maybe no one would notice it.

This animal won for new-to-me (and below is what I read about it, hollow horns!):

The animal here looked like a cross-breed between a donkey and a zebra:

This little zebra was adorable and kept herding these chickens:

A kangaroo with a joey in her pouch, which just looked so awkward and strange, especially because the longer we watched, the further out the joey came, but the mama never seemed to care:

After we left the petting section, we went to see Boris, the huge pig featured every year.  This always bothers me on some level.  Unnatural, cruel, all that.  But a spectacle and I guess a teaching tool?

We watched a bit of a horse show, but horses are the worst for my allergies, so we couldn't stay long:

The next dining selection was fried stuffed olives, which were surprisingly delicious.  Stuffed with cream cheese and herbs.  It was a total of 6 olives, so we each ate 2 and the verdict was thumbs up from all of us:

Another item for future consideration that didn't make the final cut:

More dancers...

I did want the fried Texas bluebonnet, as it was one of the 2014 nominees for the Big Tex choice award.  It was the fried blueberry muffin and it was okay.  Not something I would get again. 

The winner for "most creative" was the funnel cake ale.  It was pretty good as a beer, but I didn't get any funnel cake taste from it, aside from the sweetness from the powdered sugar around the rim:

My folks got Gulf shrimp boil balls, which won for best tasting this year and they were thoroughly unimpressed.  Thumbs down.  They ate them but said it was not something they'd get again and they guessed the competition was weak if that was best tasting:

D'oh!  At this point, I'd already eaten something sweet (the bluebonnet), and I was saving room for biscuits and gravy still, but then I saw there was a veggie patty with jerk sauce at a Jamaican tent.  I really wish I'd gotten to try this, and I hope it's there next year, because I'll seek it out:

We also toured the auto buildings, I took some Texas car pictures:

And of course there was some Texas history involved:

More dancers:

My best friend works for the FBI (not the same one as this guy).  Yes, this is definitely Texas:

A close up of Big Tex's new boots:

After seeing fried biscuits and gravy on the menu at a few places and asking about it, I never found the one described online -- strips of biscuit fried, with chocolate "gravy" dipping sauce.  But since biscuits and gravy became my favorite new food in 2014 (they serve it for breakfast at my hotel in Las Cruces, and it's soooo good), I decided to try a regular non-sweet fried biscuits and gravy dish.  Vegetarian, not vegan, and definitely my favorite discovery of 2014:

We ended with fried macaroni and cheese, which as not great.  We've had it at the Fair before (it was actually the only food on my mom's "must eat" list"), but this was not the same.  It tasted more fried and less good.  But not bad.  So yeah, between the 3 of us, we ate all 4 pieces. 

A final view of the Cotton Bowl: